


Homesick

by IAmWhelmed



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Chapter numbers kept going up every time I updated, F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love Triangles, Lovers to Parents, Raven and Starfire bond over heartbreak, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy, so let's just say this is gonna be 10 at most and be done with it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmWhelmed/pseuds/IAmWhelmed
Summary: Raven finds herself carrying Beast Boy's child and struggles with the fear of losing him and the impending responsibility of being a mother; Starfire finds Robin in a precarious position with another woman. The two leave the tower to live on their own for awhile, just to figure things out. Beast Boy and Robin may be losing their minds, and Cyborg tries to keep everyone together.





	1. Prologue

The nausea was twisting on her, like a fist in her stomach that rumbled and hissed and seethed every time she moved- not that she was doing a whole lot of that from her seat on the bathroom floor. She wasn't sure if this bout of nausea was the sheer force of terror washing over her spine in a shroud of blinding panic, or if it was a symptom…

She was, after all, pregnant. The stick in her hand, pink and cheery with a positive sign despite her ever-frantic mind stirring, said as such. She couldn't find it in her to muster up a glare at the + and the way it mocked her, not when her body was trembling and it was taking every ounce of control she had to not bust open every light fixture in the entire tower. Cyborg would flip majorly, lose his circuits, and attention was the last thing she wanted to call to herself right now.

She dropped the stick limply into the can beside the toilet, raising one hand to rub soothing circles into her temple as the other braced her body against the cold rims of the porcelain throne, keeping her steady in case her body began heaving uncontrollably.

She'd known, if she was honest; she'd known the first morning several weeks ago when she'd shot up out of her warm bed after a late night of reading to go upchuck. She'd kept herself calm, mediated on it, went down a list of reasons why she wouldn't-- couldn't-- be with child.

Or maybe it was just denial.

She groaned, lips curling into a grimace as she dragged her nails across the toilet's edge. How far along was she? She wasn't sure. Somebody else may have been able to pinpoint the exact… intimate moment… that placed a budding life inside of her. She, unfortunately, could not. Beast Boy, for all his bark over the ladies, turned out to actually have some bite to back it up.

A lot of bite, actually, and he bit often. Which was why she was here now, clutching onto what little was left of the herbal tea she'd tried to calm herself to sleep with earlier that morning. It was still hardly 5 am, early enough the sun was still hours away from making its grand entrance, which meant she had hours to figure out what exactly she was going to do before Robin inevitably woke up and demanded to know why exactly she looked distinctly paler than usual.

"Think, Raven, think!" Talking to herself helped calm her nerves, if only by a fraction, but her stomach churned with every syllable in protest. All right, facts:

1\. She was pregnant, pregnant with Beast Boy's child; specifics were important, she could hear Robin's encouraging voice reminding her.

2\. Beast Boy, the guy who still tried to convince others to call him "Beast Man", the guy who still regularly pulled pranks on his fellow titans, the guy who was still full of hope and enthusiasm and youthful passion… he was not ready to be a father.

3\. Quite frankly, she wasn't sure she was ready to be a mother.

She took three deep breaths, trying to settle the urge to throw up the rest of her herbal tea, and perhaps preemptively empty her stomach of anything else she may decide to stuff it with the rest of the day.

4\. There was no hiding this from the rest of the titans, especially not Robin and Beast Boy. Robin was the protegee of one of the most legendary detectives to walk the earth, and a leader who was defined by his dedication to his team and his friends-- his family. And Beast Boy?

Oh, Beast Boy knew her too well. He knew every nook and cranny of her soul, but perhaps more importantly, he knew her body. The first few times they'd… spent the night together… he'd spent hours afterward watching her sleep, taking in her shape, her tone, her skin, all of which would be affected by the impending life burrowed deep inside of her. She'd loved his attentiveness, loved waking up in the morning to his body woven protectively around hers like a second blanket. He'd always been gentle with her, understanding, and she'd acted in kind as they got to know each other on a more physical level, show each other just how much they loved having that special permission to touch each other, press kisses in places nobody else could, see and touch places nobody else could.

She could hide it for a month, maybe, but the moment she started showing, he'd know something was off, and that was if his impeccable sense of smell didn't give her away beforehand. Raven cursed, wondering what he would say, or maybe how wide and petrified his eyes would get before he inevitably either freaked out, or swallowed his fears and did "the right thing", only for the pressure to be too much for him to bare.

But what other choice did she have? She couldn't very well hole herself up in her room and wait for their child to come tumbling out of her in the middle of her bedroom floor, not that she would get as far as three weeks before Starfire and Cyborg and Beast Boy set up alternating camps outside her bedroom, waiting for a chance to talk to her because something was clearly very wrong.

No, she had to hide somewhere else, just until she figured all of this out. She'd leave a note, let her friends know she was fine, that she would eventually come home to them. But her home was starting to feel like a nightmare she'd accidentally conjured for herself. She didn't have to hide the entire pregnancy, right? No, she would go away for a little while and return with a clearer mind. That way, she could face her team. Face Beast Boy…

Her legs trembled under her full weight as she stood up. With a hiss, she braced herself against the bathroom counter. "Azarath… Metrion… Zin-"

There was a knock at the door, light, but present. Her body seized up, and behind her she could hear what distinctly sounded like the shower curtain ripping from the wall, edges squeaking against the tile of the shower walls as it clamored loudly to the floor, making her wince every bit of the way.  _Great job not drawing attention to yourself, Raven._  She swallowed, hard. "Y-Yes?" She hated the way her throat choked her words into weak stuttering.

"Friend Raven," Starfire, then. Great. Then again, not the worst possible person, she mused. "I heard the  _throwing up_ , and I wanted to be sure that you were-"

"I'm okay, Starfire." She took small puffs of air through her nose, keeping her body and her voice even. "Probably just ate something a little past the expiration date is all…"

"But you are unwell, yes?"

 _Extremely._ "I'll be fine, Starfire--" Her stomach lurched, and before she could curse the inopportune moment, she was heaving into the toilet again. The last of her herbal tea lurched from her mouth like a stream into the toilet's still warm embrace, and yet the little infant yet to grow so much as eyes was forcing her to further expunge her stomach. Bile mixed with water filled the toilet soon after, left her throat burning as she wiped haphazardly at her mouth with the back of her wrist. Not even a month old and her little one had a knack for inconveniencing her at the worst moments. She glared sardonically down at her stomach, still flat for the time being, and soothed very little by the hand that'd taken to rubbing circles into it.

The bathroom door opened, though she definitely remembered locking it. She turned her head to the side, just a fraction, just enough to see Starfire literally doing the most silent job she'd ever done of literally tearing a door off its hinges. The metal creased under the force of her hands, but she very delicately pulled the door to the side and off the wall, slowly so as to not make a ruckus. She placed it on the wall beside the door's threshold.

Her stomach lurched again, and she hurriedly burrowed her head into the toilet in preparation for the toxic sensation of heaving whatever else she had left to vomit.  _Come on, give me a break!_  If this was in any way an indication of what this little one's sleeping habits would be like, she was going to need help. A lot of it. She grinded her teeth as another wave of nausea hit her, and she heaved over the toilet, feeling her chest strain with every feeble attempt she made at throwing up. Warm fingers rested at her back, rubbing up and down in slow, settling paces. Her stomach immediately seemed to relax, the queasiness that'd enveloped her since four this morning melting away. She stayed hunched over the toilet, though, just in case. Starfire never ceased in her ministrations, pausing only to move a lock of hair out of her face, which she was only realizing now was paved with a thick coat of sweat. She'd seen the box on the counter, she was sure of it. There was no use hiding.

"Raven…"

"He can't know, Star."

"I do not understand. You wish to hide such a joyous occasion from Friend Beast Boy?"

"It won't be so joyous in nine months when he's got no clue how to be a father."

"I do believe Beast Boy has been  _good_  with children in the past?"

Raven pulled away from the toilet, and Starfire was on her in a second, gentle hands helping her to rest against the bathroom counter. She gave Starfire the best smile she could muster in her state, not much considering forcing a smile was difficult even when her insides weren't struggling to accommodate a second body. Starfire smile back though, getting the message regardless. There was no need to thank her, she was merely doing what a friend ought to do. "No, Star, he's good at entertaining kids. Raising them is…" Different. A responsibility- not just to their child, but to her.

Maybe that was the issue.

Starfire frowned, then moved away from the toilet to sit next to her on the tile floor, up against the counter. She pressed her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, as though she was the one with a small bump to hide. "What are you going to do?"

Raven sighed, closing her eyes, hoping that the quiet she found now would give her room to think, maybe come up with a different solution, but nothing came. "I have to leave, Star."

"But--!"

"Not forever, and not for long." She glanced to her side to see the look of panic on Starfire's face fade to apprehension. "Just long enough to think. Decide what I'm doing to do."

Starfire's fingers twisted around each other, the way they did when she was stumbling over her thoughts. Raven could feel the trepidation coming off her in waves. She raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to tell her exactly what was on her mind. The tense line that had been on Starfire's face dissolved to a frown as she glanced from the floor to Raven's face. "And what if… you do not decide to come back?"

Part of her heart, squeezed and dry from all the worrying she'd done earlier, thawed at the love she felt in Starfire, like the very edges of a warm fire on a cold winter night. Of course Starfire was going to fear her departure, caring was what Starfire did best. "Starfire, I will come back. I have to eventually, even if that means I have to be away for a few years-"

"Years! But will Friend Beast Boy not be upset to miss such a period of time in his child's life?"

Raven's heart clenched again. "I.. I don't know. It's certainly not in my plan to be away that long, but if I give him a few more years to--" To what? Mature? Did she really want that? True, he was obnoxious, and sometimes he could be disgusting (Stankball, check and point), but his boyishness kept him warm, kept him bright and welcoming and, Azar help her, charming. Her worst fear was that he would lose that charm, lose his smile. She loved him, loved him more than her powers let her indulge in sometimes. To ask that he change because of a child he didn't even know about…

No, she didn't want him to change. That wasn't the issue.

"Raven?"

"I-I can't." She hated the way her voice broke. "I can't ask him to take on this responsibility, Star. As it is sometimes I think I'm too much. A child would just mean…" Death for the relationship. Turmoil for her.

There was a warm hand on her shoulder, and it squeezed gently, affirmingly. "I think it would be best if you spoke to Robin first. He is our leader for a reason, yes?"

Raven closed her eyes again, smiled to herself. Of course, Robin would be able to handle this, help her think things through. He was a rock in that way, understood her in a way nobody else could (aside from  _him_  but she couldn't talk to him about this, not yet). He would be there for her, just as Starfire was here for her now. Why had she been so scared of him knowing before? She smiled at Starfire, and it was weak, she was weak, but it was enough. She nodded.

* * *

 

The walk to Robin's room was slow, tedious, but Starfire's presence alone seemed to quell the urge her stomach had to make a mess of her intestines. She placed one pale, trembling hand where the baby sat-- would sit-- and took a deep breath. Starfire placed her fist on his door and knocked a few times, gently. The hour was still early, a quarter to six, and the sun was still not due to rise for another hour at least. Robin wouldn't be up for some time usually, but this was important. "Robin, I am sorry to disturb your sleep, but Friend Raven and I need to speak to you. It is of utmost importance!" There was no response, not even a shift in sound on the other side of the door. Raven glanced to Starfire, who was walking a thin line between frowning and pouting.

"Starfire, it can wait for another hour." She turned around to leave, but Starfire gripped the length of her hood and yanked her right back, causing Raven to sharply take in the air she'd been denied in that one moment.

"No it cannot." She typed in a number on the keypad to Robin's room, face set in a thin line of determination. Raven found herself squirming, ready to hightail it back to her room. The sliding door to Robin's room opened, and Starfire seemed to freeze. There was a sudden change in the atmosphere, and Raven could feel it the way one could smell a fruit turning. The air became thick with emotion, emotion Raven rarely felt in the tower, and only felt it in strangling strength once. When she did feel it on the regular, it was in such a small dose that it was as easy to look over as it was to roll her eyes, spawned usually from a round between Beast Boy and Cyborg where one swore up and down the other cheated. But this? This clouded her mind, took her heart and clawed at the already-worn muscle. Starfire stood stock-still at the door, eyes wide with an emotion Raven took a moment to recognize.

Betrayal.

She said nothing, just approached Star's side and glanced into the room.

Robin laid asleep, peaceful, one of the rare moments he ever let himself rest, become unaware and at ease for a moment's time. But Raven could sense, amid the terror that was slowly easing into Starfire, the new level of relief that seemed to consume Robin as he slept. She had a feeling it had something to do with the woman fast asleep beside him, wrapped around him in a tangle of blankets and-- surprisingly drapeless-- limbs. Both were dressed, of course, Robin never took off his mask and his uniform rarely came off, but the woman was in a state of considerably less dress, clad only in what appeared to be a thin pair of underwear and what must have been one of Robin's old training shirts. Both were fast asleep, dead to the world aside from each other, moving only to get closer together at the gust of wind his open door allowed.

Raven would have been in a state of shock herself, had she not been so emotionally drained from the last two hours. She turned to look at Starfire, who had begun quivering, the wheels of her mind processing the site before her with such a painful progression that Raven could see her heart breaking with every second that passed. Quickly, she grabbed Starfire and pulled her out of the doorway, leaving the door to Robin's room, and Robin's questionable state, to close. "Starfire…"

"No. He would never…"

Raven sighed, knowing very well what Starfire was feeling, and she didn't even need to use the powers granted to an empath. It was obvious what had transpired, if not because of the lack of pants on the woman in his arms, but because of the peace she'd picked up on, peace that, in her experience, only transpired after somebody got their rocks off. Starfire was a trusting soul, but with this came a naivety that rarely reared its ugly head. She would process the truth in time, given some space, and that is why she was talking before she even knew what she was about to say. "You know, I could probably use some company while I'm away."

Starfire turned her startled eyes, full of tears and disbelief, on her. Raven sighed and massaged her stomach with her hand again, feeling her stomach churn under the new emotional weight that'd suddenly commanded the halls. "I'm not sure if it's the baby or my powers, but I think dealing with this alone has made things a million times worse. I'm leaving, Star."  _But I want you to come with me_. It wasn't a lie; the aching dullness of her stomach seemed to fade once she had a confidant. And the stress of dealing with pregnancy alone had subsided once Starfire's warm hand had shifted up and down her back, like a veil lifted from her head. Company was exactly what she needed. Starfire blinked a few times, owlishly staring off into space, tears that had welled cascading in trails down her cheeks to her chin. It took her a few moments, but she nodded. Raven sighed and turned away, high-tailing it in the direction of her room. "Go pack. We only have an hour before Prince Charming wakes up."


	2. Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay nvm this is easily going to be 4 chapters with everything I want to happen, maybe 5. I'd apologize but this is pretty much just me torturing myself at this point. It's too fun to put down, though.

_Robin,_

_Starfire and I are safe. We haven't been kidnapped. We haven't been taken against our will. Something has come up, and Starfire and I had to leave immediately. We have our communicators in case of emergency, but we ask that you don't contact us. This is something we have to do on our own, and we don't know how long it'll take. Think of it as a mission._

_We'll come home eventually, I promise. But for right now, we need to be left alone._

_\- Raven_

He'd reread the note about a dozen times, once to be sure it was Raven's handwriting, another to be sure there wasn't a secret message to be decoded within the lines of neat cursive, the other eight times because he couldn't believe it.

True to form, Starfire and Raven were long gone from Titans Tower by the time the first ray of sunlight hit his eyes. He'd inched slowly out of Barbara's arms, careful to cover her bare shoulder, where his baggy shirt had shifted in her sleep, with his comforter. Robin had started the morning feeling rather well-rested, more than he typically did. It'd taken him a trip to the kitchen, a plate of eggs and bacon, and a full glass of orange juice to find the note scribbled and hastily attached to the fridge with a magnet. He'd thought little of it at first, wrote it off as a note from Raven, who was usually up at this time (or before him) to remind Cyborg to pick up more herbal tea. He'd finished the last bite of his eggs and practically swallowed his bacon, then got up to read the note, just for curiosity sake. He'd taken his glass of orange juice with him, brought it to his lips to take a sip as he read the first line of the note.

It was from Raven, but that was not a polite reminder.

His scream was what got Cyborg and Beast Boy crashing through the sliding door.

A few hours had passed since then, and after a quick check on Starfire's tracker, they had concluded that the note was to be taken at face value, that their girls were safe, just… out. Somewhere in the city. Barbara had taken to wrapping his hand, the one he'd been holding his glass with, the one that'd crushed that glass like a soda can, once she'd woken up. Even now, she was watching him from her seat next to him on the sofa, eyes following every twitch of his hand with a familiar concern, the kind only Barbara Gordon was capable of. Beast Boy and Cyborg had been startled by her sudden presence, as she came stumbling into the room in a blind panic moments after they had, but were put to ease when she told them she was family. Beast Boy, specifically, had been more willing to take the explanation with little confrontation when he saw his girlfriend's handwriting in Robin's non-bleeding hand.

"Dick-"

"It's Robin." She winced and he turned to her, feeling a wave of guilt, fresh, more current than the guilt that was now a program running separately, and probably would be until his teammates got home. His brows furrowed, and he sighed. "Sorry, Babs. I'm not… I'm not Dick Grayson here. I'm Robin, and it's going to stay that way."

She frowned and moved closer to him, raising one hand to rest against his cheek. "You're sounding a lot like your old man, Dick." He huffed, but pressed the palm of his hand to hers.

"I know, I just… I'm worried about Starfire. And Raven."

"But mostly about Starfire?"

He gave her his best smirk, the best he could give when that secondary program was running in the back of his mind. She didn't smile back, and so it faded. "I just can't help but wonder if I did something wrong? Starfire's only done this once before, and if she's out there-!"

"Dick. She wants to be left alone. Give her a few days."

Robin grimaced. "I'm not sure I can wait that long…"

Barbara moved her hand from his face, but winced at the movement. Robin's eyes widened, and he was delicately gripping at her waist in a blink. "Does it still hurt?"

"Ugh, a little. Nothing I can't handle."

"I'm not him, you know." She winced again as he lifted her shirt up by the hem, only an inch, asking for permission. He looked her in the eye, serious, a leader, not a sidekick. "You're allowed to show weakness around me." She gave him a weak smile, and moved back so he could lift her shirt up to her bosom. The bandages from the night before were bloody, not quite as bloody as they would have been had she tried to do it herself, but bloody enough that they needed changing. She was more worried about her bruises, the trail she knew would trace her stomach and reach around to her upper back. Bad intel, right place. Robin grazed one of the bruises with light fingers, and she hissed. Okay, maybe wrong place AND bad intel. "Let's get you to Cyborg. He's not a medic, but he can wrap you up better than I could, and now that he's awake you can't argue."

She opened her mouth to do just that, but found it pointless. If anything, his time away from Batman had made him even more of a stubborn mule, and she was in too much pain to reject some painkillers.

* * *

Beast Boy groaned and ran his hands down his face, pulling at his skin.

"Come on, man! Just tell me where she is so I know she's safe!"

"Nu-uh, no way, BB. If Raven and Star wanna be left alone, it's not our business to go tracking them down."

Not his business? This was his girlfriend they were talking about! Raven! Raven, who'd he only just started to get to know in the way he wanted to, Raven who slept by his side, who he kissed awake in the mornings, who was always up front with him when he did something wrong. Had he done something wrong? He'd sniffed himself earlier, and hygiene definitely wasn't the problem, he didn't think. But yesterday she'd been so finicky in the morning, hadn't let him touch her. He'd asked her what was wrong but she'd practically made his pillow explode. They'd been okay the night before- wait, was that it? Had he messed things up in the bedroom? Dread filled him, and he pressed closer to the computer, struggling to get around Cyborg's arm.

"Cyyyy!"

Cyborg shook his head. "Sorry, BB. I'm keeping my lips sealed." He nearly felt bad when he saw Beast Boy's ears droop low enough to touch his head, lips wobbling together like a toddler on the verge of crying. He might have been. Couldn't say he blamed the guy. He was worried too, knew it wasn't like Raven to run away from her problems, and definitely wasn't like her to drag Starfire along for the ride. He exhaled and patted Beast Boy's shoulder; Beast Boy looked up at him, but did not raise his head. "She's fine, BB. For all we know this is just an alien girl thing." That's what he was telling himself, anyway.

"You think?"

"I bet, and they'll be back home in no time."

Beast Boy gave Cyborg a small smile, ears perking up considerably.

* * *

The morning sickness had not gotten easier. Between the motel's cheap toiletries and the poor sleep she'd been getting, they might have gotten worse. Only 2 days into her endeavor to figure herself out, and she was already wishing she was at home in the tower, rushing out of Beast Boy's bed to puke instead of falling out of the cheap sheets on her twin-size bed to vomit in a bathroom a quarter of the size of the one she'd used in the tower. Starfire's presence helped calm her most of the time. Her gut-wrenching sounds would often wake Starfire in the dead of night, even when she closed the door. She hated to live in such close quarters that there was practically no privacy, but she couldn't help but be thankful when Starfire's hands rested on her back, quelling the circus parading around in her stomach.

They'd managed to convince the motel owner to let them stay the first two nights without pay- with interest. He was a slimy man, short and balding with stains at his armpits and a snarl on his ironically fuzzy lip. He waddled around like a fat pregnant bird (she'd snorted when Starfire pointed that out) and shouted like an angry one, but he'd agreed to let them take one of his rooms without pay for the first two nights- gave them a balcony view because "well, you are Titans". Raven's eyes twitched.

"Friend Raven, glorious news!" Just as Raven stumbled her way back into the kitchen area- a small square of space where the bathroom sink and mini fridge were- Starfire bounded into their room with a smile on her face and a paper in her hand. Raven raised an eyebrow, silently urging Starfire to continue, but also signaling that she didn't have to pretend to be happy. Neither of them were, she could feel Starfire's happy disposition slipping by with each day.  _Well if I had found Beast Boy with another woman…_  Blonde hair and blue eyes, a beautiful smile, they all flashed by her mind's eye. Raven shook the thought from her mind. Getting upset over hypotheticals, over the past, and carrying a grudge against their leader would do nothing to help their predicament. Starfire's smile dissolved into a much smaller, satisfied smile. "I have found a place of employment. I begin tomorrow morning."

"That's great, Star."

"Yes, the believe my powers will be a great asset to the  _waitressing_."

That was a laugh. Starfire hadn't so much as hovered over the ground in the last two days, let alone found her strength and starbolts. She was as useful as a normal, homeless, human girl. Raven shuddered. Homeless. That's what she and Starfire were. She would have been fine had it just been her; she'd found a way to live without a home before she'd met the Titans, she would have figured things out for herself. But she wasn't alone anymore- she had two other people to worry about, and that was enough to knot her chest in spirals. "I'll try to find something."

"No! You are with child and-!"

"Star, I can work for another six months at least. I may as well carry my weight around here."

Starfire did not look satisfied with that answer, but she sighed and uncrossed her arms, walking to the other end of their motel room where there was a desk set up. Cheap, and clearly made of faux wood, but stable. It worked. She glanced down to where they'd set their suitcases, to where their communicators sat side-by-side, untouched. She knew Raven told them that they did not want to be bothered, but a part of her, the part that was less confused and angry and hurt (because there wasn't a single part of her that wasn't), that part was hoping Robin would call, just to be sure they were okay. He hadn't.

There was a hand at her shoulder. Raven was frowning, and Starfire took that to mean she was worried she'd rat them both out. She wouldn't dare, it was not her choice to make, but she was tempted to call Robin. See him. Hear his voice, hear him tell her in that calming, caring tone that he loved her, that this was all a misunderstanding, that there wasn't a woman in his bed, that he wasn't glowing in post-coital- "Starfire."

"I am… sorry. Please, let us find something to eat." She shrugged Raven's hand off, gently, and gave her a small smile, hoping she wasn't gazing too hard into her emotions. Raven's eyes scrutinized her, but she didn't say anything. Instead she covered her upper arms with her hands, rubbing the bare skin there up and down.

"What exactly are you in the mood for?"

There, food. That was a nice neutral topic. She felt her spirits lighten. "Pizza!"

Raven smiled at the growl of her stomach. Baby wanted pizza. "All right, but we can't go to our usual place." It was that specific pizza she was craving most, but she'd make do with a bigger franchise's.

"Glorious! I will go downstairs and ask for a list of nearby pizza establishments!"

She jogged out of their room, and Raven took a seat at the edge of her bed, waiting for her to return with a list in hand. The bed shifted under her weight and squeaked, and she exhaled the breath she'd been holding, leaning back until her head hit the mattress, leaving her legs to dangle listlessly over the side. Her arms spread out to either side of her, wrists reaching a few inches over the width of her twin. Two days. It'd only been two days, and she already wanted to go home.

* * *

The pizza had been okay, not as good as the pizza from their usual place, but still just enough to satisfy both of them. And with only two Titans versus the normal five count? More pizza for both of them. The rest of the night had flown by as Starfire watched reality shows and she curled up on her bed with a book and the motel's complimentary hot tea. It had felt like only an hour had passed when it'd been closer to four, and the yawns they both found escaping them were a clue from their bodies that it was the right time to retire for the night.

Starfire had just gotten under the covers, lifting all of them off of the bed and escaping under them before they came back down. Raven wordlessly slipped under her covers, resting her head against the pillows. "Goodnight Friend Raven."

"Night, Star."

There was silence, and the darkness swept over the room like an added blanket, sweeping over her eyes, gracing the skin of her upturned face; it was calm. She wondered how many nights she'd have left before sleeping became impossible. Being away from home as it was put strain on her cycle. When the baby grew, when it was big enough and developed enough to start kicking around her stomach like Kid Flash on a sugar high, would sleep completely elude her then? What about when the baby came, when she could hold it in her arms, when it woke her in the dead of night to cry?

She wondered how other women got by, how they got up at two in the morning every night to raise their child from their crib and sway them back into slumber. She imagined that inevitable night, what it would be like for her to force herself awake, to stumble blindly into a small room filled with toys and books and stuffed animals, to a room with a single crib pressed up against a window that held the moonlight like a lantern against soft tendrils of hair. She imagined approaching on light feet, hearing the cries of a small angry infant settling as its mother drew closer, tantrum dying down to a temper as she picked her baby up and shifted to and fro in calming, meditative motions. She could hear its cries settling to whimpers, whining noises that told her that baby was happier, but not quite as satisfied as it could be. And that would be when arms wrapped around her from behind, when warm lips pressed against the back of her head before laying at her ear, whispering a lullaby to soothe both her and the baby.

Raven grimaced. She wouldn't have that, that was why other women got through it. A partner to lean on. A man who loved them and their child unconditionally. Even so, the voice that whispered lullabies in her ear, that rocked her body back and forth in a smooth, warm embrace, it was achingly familiar, and she swore she felt the ghost of a fang gracing her lobe. Instinctively, she brushed her ear with her fingers, some part of her hoping that she'd feel fur when she did. There was nothing, only the cold level softness of her pillow. Azar, what would she do?

"Raven?"

She sighed. Well, this would be a distraction at the very least. "Yes?"

"Do you still…" Starfire paused, fumbling around with her hair, Raven caught it in her peripheral. She was laying on her stomach, one arm tucked under her pillow, hands and fingers playing messily with her hair, each other, whatever she could get ahold of. She bit her lip, then released her hair. "Do you still wish to see Friend Beast Boy?"

"Of course I do, Star, but I can't."

"Might I ask why?" Raven turned her head toward her, gesturing with a trace of annoyance to her stomach. Starfire's eye widened before she glanced back down. "Oh, that is right…"

Raven exhaled and turned to face the ceiling again. "Anything else?" Irritation had seeped into her tone, not that she'd been close to falling asleep anyway.

"... I suppose not."

The two fell into silence again, leaving Raven alone with her thoughts, quite frankly the worst place for her to be. The darkness that had been comforting before now seemed to swallow what little she could see of the room like an alive black mass, sweeping slowly over the few inches of the ceiling she could see. She closed her eyes and sighed. "Starfire, do you know why I wanted you to come?"

Starfire was quick to reply, though she'd heard her startle at her sudden question. "Because you require the assistance?"

"Partly. But there's another reason."

Starfire was quiet, contemplating the right answer. She heard her shuffle, moving so that she was on her back, head tilted to her right so she could try to make Raven's face out in the dark. She was twirling her hair around her finger again, and Raven was starting to pick up that it was a nervous habit. "Because Robin had premarital relations with a woman of whom we do not know the name of?

"No, Star." Raven sat up in bed, moving from darkness to sit directly in the light of the moon. Starfire mirrored her, moving to cross her legs as she faced Raven. "I asked you to join me because you needed the space as much as I did."

"Raven-"

"He hurt you, Star. You gave him everything. You loved him with such intensity that it overwhelmed my senses. I felt how much you cared for him," she paused, reading the emotions as they crossed Starfire's face- denial, admittance, heartbreak. She flinched. "I know how it feels, Starfire. I know what it's like to trust somebody completely, to give them whatever you have left of your heart, and I know what it's like to have them break you into a million pieces."

Starfire's eyes glossed over, glassy green reflected like a crystal ball in the moonlight as recognition crossed her face. "Raven…" She paused again, biting down on both of her lips this time, trying to find the right way to word what she wanted to ask. She turned her frown to the floor, then met Raven's eyes again with an understanding. "You are not talking of Malchior, are you?"

Raven felt her heart cringe, made her press her teeth together. "No. I'm not."

"Then Beast Boy has betrayed you as well by having relations with another female?"

"Not quite, but… something close to it."

"I do not understand?"

Raven glanced to the side, glaring down at the slope of the covers where fer feet lay. "Terra."

Starfire gasped, and part of her, the part of Raven that never quite felt like she was good enough, flinched at what sounded like giddy surprise. "Terra? You mean she is-?"

"No, Terra still hasn't regained her memories, but" she raised on hand to her shoulder, the one where Beast Boy had lugged her along when he'd changed into the beast. It was a fond memory she had of him- of them. She feared those were all in the past now. "Beast Boy still thinks about her. Sometimes, when he's being particularly sweet, or when he's trying to make me laugh…" She shut her eyes, not willing to see the look that would appear on Starfire's face. "Sometimes I wonder if he's really seeing me, or if he's seeing her."

"But you do not look like Friend Terra?"

"No, I don't…"

And yet for some reason he'd called out for Terra in his sleep the night before she left.

The memory of it left her stomach churning painfully again, and she gripped at it through the sheets. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back furiously. There was no more time for crying. Or was this exactly the time for crying? She wasn't sure. All she could think about was laying in bed with Beast Boy, carding her fingers through his hair, leaving kisses along his exposed neck as he slept like a log. She remembered laying down beside him, though she couldn't sleep, remembered pressing her nose to his, being content to watch him and love him in total silence. And then he'd said it. Said another name in his sleep. Moaned like a man discovering a woman for the first time. She'd known it was stupid, known he couldn't control who he did or did not have dreams about. Terra had been his first love- of course, of course he'd still dream about her. But that didn't make it hurt any less when he was in bed with her.

"Please, I am confused. Beast Boy has not betrayed you?"

"Not on purpose, I guess."

Starfire's wide eyes fluttered to a more narrow shut, thick with empathy, slick with tears. "But you still feel as though he has. You are not worried about Beast Boy being a good father-"

"-so much as I'm worried about him leaving me knocked up and single, yeah…"

"You fear his heart belongs to Terra?"

"I don't fear it, Star, I know it. The fear is that he doesn't love me enough to choose me anyway."

"... I see."

They both fell into silence again. Raven adjusted and laid back down, fixing the covers so that she could at least feel the warmth of cheap cotton. She heard Starfire laying back down beside her, flicking the comforter up as she slid back under it completely.

"... Raven?"

"Yes?"

"You will not be left alone to raise your child. I am here for you, and Cyborg and Robin would…" Starfire trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish her sentence.

Raven smiled to herself. "Maybe."


	3. Hormones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel like I may need to turn the rating up after this chapter but... nah, it's nothing graphic, just somebody's imagination...

She couldn't eat certain foods anymore, maybe even smell them for that matter. There was a list of things Baby wanted far, far away from Raven's mouth, and that list seemed to get longer every day. By the second month, she'd knocked: shrimp, pickles, meatloaf, anything fried, anything dairy-related, and much to Starfire's disappointment, mustard. By the third month, she'd stuck to eating toast and bananas.

She wasn't showing much, but she certainly felt like her stomach had expanded well beyond its normal width, and Starfire said that she could feel the bump when she hugged her. She wasn't looking forward to waddling everywhere, but at least the morning sickness had begun to subside. Starfire, despite being depressed, borderline out of her mind, was still warm to be around, and when Starfire was near, Baby seemed a little less willing to make her life difficult.

Somewhere in the first month, she'd nabbed a job at a bookstore that doubled as a hipster coffee shop. It was easy work, simple, and it didn't require her to move very much, which was good because Baby had started to use her bladder as a trampoline when it found her exercise excessive. People recognized her, more often than she'd like, asked her why she'd taken up a job when Titans Tower was pretty much government-sanctioned. She'd bestow them with her best glare, a look Starfire had told her "had only grown in ferocity" in the first trimester. That was enough to scare virtually anybody dumb enough to ask, and when it didn't, she'd concede and say "Saving up."

Starfire, on the other hand, was a very ditzy waitress, but nevertheless she was Starfire, and when people weren't starstruck enough to deal with the poor service, they were smitten enough with her to ignore the mixed up order altogether. She'd gotten a better hang of it come the second month, and by the third she did a pretty standard job. She liked her coworkers, and she liked the view from the second-story restaurant, where she could watch the sunset over Jump City. She liked her customers and she liked her boss (the feeling was a little more than mutual on his end, she was not naive to the way he eyed her when he thought she wasn't looking). She liked living with Raven and being at peace.

But she missed her friends.

She missed Cyborg's uproarious "BOOYAH", the way he could go on for hours about his newest inventions, the meals he cooked for the team with such love she swore she could taste it, and it made every dish all the better. She missed Beast Boy, despite not understanding what had transpired between him and Raven. She missed his giggles when he'd pulled a prank, she missed his jokes and puns and the way Raven shot them down. She missed how he and Cyborg would argue incessantly every morning over meat or tofu, and how they'd stay up easily past midnight beating each other at video games.

But most of all, even though she was hurt, even though she felt like somebody had strangled her over and over, leaving her just on the brink of death each time when she thought of him, she missed Robin. She missed his smile, warm and comforting, a smile she swore he reserved for her, because she rarely saw it elsewhere. It was the smile he gave her when he broke open her chrysalis, when he'd told her that he didn't care about how she looked. She missed the way he made her feel, the gentle way he'd kiss her, the way he placed his hands at her jaw and dipped down to brush his lips against hers, as though asking for permission. From there he'd grow more determined, and she often found herself lying awake at night imagining the passion, remembering how he'd press his forehead to hers and smile, how she'd nuzzle him before he dipped back down and captured her lips once again.

But then she'd remember long, bare, silky legs wrapped around Robin's, the way his arms shuddered and pulled that stranger closer in the cold breeze, remembered how his nose buried itself in an unfamiliar woman's hair. Then she'd imagine his lips on someone else's, more desperate than the way he kissed her, imagine the way he'd probably gripped at her hips, the way she'd probably clawed at his back, the way he probably breathed in her ear, whispered that he… loved her.

Then Starfire, she didn't have the strength to muster up anger. She could only feel empty, like there was a weight in her head that wouldn't go away and a hollow hole in her chest that reached down into her stomach. She wasn't hungry much these days, which was probably better for their pockets and for Raven's nausea.

The pregnancy, aside from each other's company, seemed to be the one constant that kept the two of them going. There was a goal in sight, and it was taking care of that baby until it was matured enough to join the world of the living. It was a relief that it was the one thing going right most days. Raven seemed healthy. Aside from the bump, the two of them had to go shopping, as Raven's undergarments were not quite fitting as they should anymore. The growing fatigue worried her, but Raven assured her that it was typical of a woman far along as she was. Most days consisted of the two of them going to work, often on alternating schedules (the difference between a waitress's schedule and a bookstore clerk's schedule were stark), before returning home at varying periods of the evening to eat and pass out on their respective beds. It wasn't a bad life just an- uninteresting one.

Starfire curled up under her covers, remote in one hand and her sheets in the other, pulled up to her chin as she waited with heavy anticipation for the return of her new favorite sitcom: "Meet the Grobgooks". That was not a nice word on her home planet of Tamaran, not that the people of earth would know; it merely added to her level of amusement. The channel had cut to commercial break, and Starfire was learning to feel the absence of the tower's recording system. She moaned and turnt her head back so that it thudded against her bedpost. "These commercials are most infuriating! I wish to see this week's conclusion, please!"

"Star, the only way these people make money is by selling you products," Raven glanced over the edge of her novel at Starfire's pouting face "and placing as many commercials as possible between one show and the next is how they do it."

Starfire's pout became more pronounced, then she raised her blankets so the bottom half of her face was hidden from view, eyes leveling the television with a heat matched only by the sting of her starbolts.

The fourth commercial faded in, a small suburban home in a quaint little city, grass as green as envy, house as big as a small southern estate, picket fence as straight as a line. " _A house isn't just a house._ " Raven snorted, and Starfire yawned. " _It's teaching him how to mow the lawn._ " It cut to a father on a riding mower, son in his lap as they slowed eased around their massive yard. " _It's making messes, and the memories that come with them._ " It cut to a mother, long hair tied into the sloppiest bun, helping her little girl roll dough as they laughed at the flour covering their chins. " _When you live in Jump City Greens, you're home._ " It cut to the family laying in bed together on an early morning, maybe mid-afternoon, soaking up the warmth of the sun and each other. They snuggled up together as they turned through what appeared to be a family album, daughter curled into her father's chest, son climbing over his mother's curvy waist to get onto the bed between his parents. Starfire smiled to herself, wondering if she'd ever, perhaps, have something so human.

Then the lamp exploded.

Starfire yelped and stood up on her bed, fist raised, though she couldn't find a starbolt. "Raven-!"

"Sorry."

Raven clutched her book to her chest, eyes wide as the bits and pieces of the lamp floated between them, hovering amid her black aura. Starfire raised an eyebrow. "Um… did you… do that?"

"I- I guess so."

"Raven…" Starfire lowered her fists, but raised an outstretched hand to Raven's retreating form, watching as she subconsciously inched toward the edge of her bed. The lamp pieces drifted to lay on the nightstand, aura diffusing slowly. "You are" she paused, contemplating whether or not she was about to be insensitive, but one look at Raven's face told her that nothing she said could make things worse "...crying."

"What?" Raven gasped, reached frail fingers to brush at the bone of her cheek, tips pulling away wet with salt. Sure enough, she felt what must have been the dam of her control breaking, because her eyes flooded so quickly with such vehemence that she was momentarily frozen in place. Somewhere behind her, the motel's complimentary hair dryer raised on its own, combusting in midair above the sink, which was quaking down below by the pipes.

"Raven! What is the matter?"

"I- I don't know! I can't stop it!"

The medicine cabinet slammed open, and the faucet head sprung clean off the sink. Raven took quick, shallow breaths, raising a hand to grasp at her chest. SHe had to calm down. Starfire cautiously jumped down from her bed, coming forward to press her hands to Raven's cheeks. "There must be something I can do-!"

"H-How can you help me w-when I don't even know what's wrong?"

Once again, her powers must have knocked the shower curtain clean off of the wall, because there was a loud clamoring from behind the closed door. The TV began flickering on and off, switching to a new channel each time the screen came back alive.  _Stop. Stop it. You need to have more control than this!_  "Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos... " Starfire kneeled down in front of her. "Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos." Her pillow lifted itself to the ceiling, vibrating for a moment before it exploded, showering Raven and Starfire in old and worn feathers. Raven winced, squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. What could have possibly set her off like this? A villain with mind manipulation abilities? A drug dose hidden in the air with a complicated gas? "Azarath-!"

"Raven."

Strong arms pulled her into a tight hug, providing her body with an instantaneous warmth she hadn't known she was lacking. Her eyes bulged out of her head, snapping open as Starfire's natural snugness began to completely overtake her like a wall of crashing debris. Feathers dotted across their skin, brushed against their heads and floated on the gust of the air conditioner to the bed and motel floor. She shivered, and Starfire's hold tightened. Starfire rubbed her shoulder with one hand. "I am here for you. Please, do not hold back."

And so she didn't. Raven's eyes welled with a fresh wave, and part of her was disgusted because she thought the biggest crests had passed, and yet…

She shut her eyes again and buried her head into Starfire's shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell of the shampoo they'd mutually decided was cheapest. It flooded her senses, breathed new air into her lungs, forcing out the air she hadn't known was stale. Starfire reached up and ran her fingers through her hair, detangling her thin strands carefully, gently. Raven huffed and her chest trembled, breathing staggered as her tears ran through the crevices of her lips. Starfire shushed her, but otherwise said nothing.  _Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos._

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but somewhere along the way, the television had turned back on and stayed on the original channel. The Grobgooks once again lit up the screen with their varying character molds, and the sink had turned itself off. Raven took a few more deep breaths, repeating her mantra in her mind like it was the only string of sanity she could cling to, though Starfire's arms stayed locked around her. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, slowly.

"Raven?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me, was it perhaps the emotionally-targeted commercial that has upset you?"

"What? No, Star, that's ridiculous…" She muttered as she pulled out of Starfire's hug, but was it? She frowned and met Starfire's eyes. "Or maybe not."

Starfire's brows furrowed, and she tilted her head as she struggled to understand. "Perhaps?"

"Maybe it was the commercial. Now that I think about it, this is right around the time my hormones would be giving me" she grimaced "problems."

"So this is merely-?"

"My dear, sweet, unborn child messing with my emotions?" Her face read noticeably annoyed, and her tone was debatably sardonic. "Probably the most likely rationalization for a hormonal outburst."

Starfire took a seat next to her on the bed, folding her hands in her lap, giving Raven space; she was thankful for that. As it was, she was fighting the heat rising through her body with every fiber of will she had left, but she'd have time to wallow in shame later for her earlier display. "How are we to combat these  _hormonal outbursts_?"

Raven sighed, and shifted so that her hands could run up and along her arms. She felt naked without her cloak, but the earlier intention had been to sleep. "I'm not sure there's anything that can be done"  _short of seeing a psychiatrist…_

Starfire nodded, and the two fell into once again companionable silence.

* * *

Barbara nearly choked on the milk that came squirting out of her nose, and for a few moments after, she was left hacking. Robin raised an eyebrow, as if to ask what exactly she thought was so funny, but the small smile on his face betrayed him. She tried to smile back at him, but struggled with one hand raised to her now-leaking nostrils. After all, it was the first time she'd seen him smile in weeks. "I'm sorry, and he licked her face?"

"Well, it wasn't actually Beast Boy."

"But Raven still got licked in the face by a green shapeshifting dog?"

Robin chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

She lost herself laughing again. She was yet to meet Raven, but she had the distinct feeling, given everything Robin had told her in her stay at Titans Tower, that she wasn't a woman particularly welcome to such odd displays of affection. Robin laughed through his nose, taking a sip of his water bottle. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with the towel slung around his shoulders, and she couldn't help but feel the whole scenario was a little deja vu. A memory, something that had long since passed. Robin seemed to pick up on her thought process, the way he always did, and gave her another smile. She wasn't sure which one of them felt more healed at that.

"So," they both jumped as Cyborg sat down at the end of the table, between the two of them. "How do y'all know each other again?"

"Uh-"

"We were-"

They both looked at each other, Robin tugging at the collar of his uniform, Barbara hiding her face behind her glass of milk. They both glanced away, unsure of how to answer. Cyborg raised an eyebrow, but seemed to take the hint. "Oookay." He dug into his sausage and eggs, glancing to Robin, who had taken to staring stubbornly at the (currently off) television, to Barbara, who had decided to look busy by messing with the milk in her glass and the way it slushed from side to side. A light bulb lit up in his head, and maybe a light came on near one of his circuits, but he kept the thought to himself.

The door to the common room slid open, and from the other side, Beast Boy padded across the threshold. Cyborg nearly dropped his fork, and Barbara had to keep yet another splash of milk from escaping through her nostrils with two fingers to her bridge. Robin's eyes widened behind his mask, and he had to clear his throat before he spoke. "B-Beast Boy!"

Pale green eyes turned on Robin, hiding part way between heavy lids and dark circles. He seemed to take a moment to process that anyone had said anything, but he grunted and carried himself over to the fridge "'Sup."

Cyborg managed to swallow the bite he'd taken of his eggs. "Uh, BB? How ya holdin' up?"

Beast Boy closed the fridge after finding nothing worth eating, instead opting to scrounge through their cabinets. "I'm fine." He laid a hand on what he was looking for, pulling out Raven's teapot. He pulled back and set it on the counter, moving to the other cabinets to find teabags. Robin turned around to watch Beast Boy cross the kitchen, raising an eyebrow as he began boiling water.

"Beast Boy, are you sure? You haven't been out of your room in… months."

"I've gotta agree with Robin, man. You ain't been acting yourself."

"I'm fine." Beast Boy said it with more finality this time, but there was no aggression there, just defeat, as if he were trying to convince himself and not them. "I'm just" he stood still over the teapot, as if contemplating, fighting himself, then reached into another cabinet for a mug. "I'm just getting on with it, like we're s'posed t' do."

Barbara bit her lip, mentally nudging away the temptation to say  _You can't move on until you've dealt with it_ , but it was not her place. These were not her people; they were Robin's, and he knew better than her how to handle them.

Robin frowned, eyes narrowing at nothing as he lost himself in thought. Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Want me to check on their locations? Make sure they're still safe?"

"That's not gonna help."  _That's not bringing them back_. They all thought it, but they collectively decided it was best to let those words die in the air.

Cyborg sighed, went back to eating his breakfast. Robin's eyes grew more alert again, like he'd snapped back to reality. "Whatcha' making there, Beast Boy?"

He didn't answer at first, too preoccupied setting up his mug and filling it to the brim with hot brown liquid, watching the steam flitter through the air as he blew on it. He clenched its handle with three finger and cradled it protectively with his other. He turned around to face the rest of the room, but kept his eyes on his cup and his gaze far, far away. "Herbal tea."

* * *

He took one swing at the boxing bag, hard enough to make it swing, hard enough to get him started. Robin swung his other fist next, then another. The boxing bag flew in every direction he hit, inertia swinging it to and fro as he wailed relentlessly on it. It was relaxing; it was what he always did when he was under stress.

And boy had stress loaded onto him like a tow truck.

He hit it again, but found himself unsatisfied with the small smacking sound he got in return. She grinded his teeth and geared his fist up to hit at it again, harder this time. It swung further left, but the sound still wasn't enough for him. He had to hit harder, had to push further. He began swinging recklessly, resting his fists only to incorporate his legs into the routine by kicking the bag nearly off the ceiling. The chain creaked against the pressure, but didn't give in. He gave it an uppercut, then a roundhouse kick, then a flurry of other inconsistent punches. He grunted as the bag swung forward with such speed that it hurdled back at him so fast he could hardly stop it. His heels slid, and taking the punching bag in his arms was like getting sucker-punched right in the stomach; he coughed at the sudden impact, but pushed it away nonetheless. When it came back around, he socked it again, hard enough that he swore he felt something snap, but he couldn't stop- he couldn't.

Maybe he already had.

The bag came back at him full swing, and he made a move to grab it, but didn't try to slow it down. It socked him again, hard enough that he barked, but he took the pain as it was granted to him.

He'd searched the tower for clues, scoured the whole place for any explanation he could get- another note, a ransom from an enemy, signs of a struggle, but all he came back with was the single note Raven left him and two empty rooms, once full of life and character, now dead like a museum's exhibit.

Starfire and Raven were not history.

He hung limply against the punching bag, taking steady breaths as he swayed with its weight. There had to be something he was missing, something that would clue him in as to why Starfire- why both of them- left the titans (left him), but they'd been thorough, thorough enough to hide from him. He grinded his teeth and let one weak fist pound against the bag, then hang flaccidly at his side. What kind of leader was he if he couldn't even help his teammates?

The door to the gym slid open, but he didn't even need to look up to see who it was.

"Dick…"

"I told you, Babs, it's Robin."

"Right, Robin. Sorry."

He had a feeling she was batting her big baby blues at him, and that feeling killed him. Just like it always had, just like it always would. He straightened himself out and took to removing his boxing gloves. "What's up?"

Barbara was silent for a few moments, aside from the sound of her feet shifting from side to side. Anxious? Guilty? He wasn't sure. "I just wanted to get our stories straight next time Cyborg asked us."

"Asked us what?"

"You-" she paused, and he could hear the disbelief in her tone before she sighed. "When he asked us how we knew each other?"

"We'll tell him the truth."

"Well that's the thing, Di- Robin." He turned around and found that she was closer than he thought she'd be, not close enough to deny him personal space, but close enough that he felt utterly naked in front of her, the way he used to feel around her when he was a little kid, when they were growing up together as sidekicks, as members of the bat family. He'd almost missed that helpless feeling, but he found that lately he'd been feeling a little too helpless in all the wrong ways. He mentally shook his mind like an etch-a-sketch, choosing to focus on what was happening right in front of him. Barbara gave him a small smile, but it was awkward, forced, not natural the way it had been since she'd dropped in on him unexpectedly in the middle of the night. "I need to know" she winced "what exactly the truth" she shrugged "is?"

He gave her the Bat look, not the glare that froze you to the floor by your ankles, but the scrutinizing one, the one that silently asked all the questions he didn't want to ask aloud.

She recognized this look, apparently, because she wrapped her arms around herself and looked everywhere but him. "I guess I just, ya know? Do we tell him we're siblings? Old partners?" She trailed off, nibbling on her full bottom lip as she gained the courage to meet his eyes. "Exes?"

He choked on nothing, eyes practically popping out of his head and his entire body tensed up at the mention of… that. The thing they hadn't talked about since she got here. Their past not as comrades, but as something more. The phrase echoed in his mind with an unfortunate dull ring, and he only barely swallowed the saliva building up against the dam that was his mouth before he began to speak. "Oh! Uh, heh, um… all of the above?"

Barbara crossed her arms and scowled at him.

"Look," he shook himself out of his stupid stupor, reminding himself that he wasn't the same boy he was in Gotham, that Jump City had been his home for years, that he was a leader now, and he had to act like it. "The past doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here, that we're"  _not like that anymore_.

He too trailed off, but he could see the unspoken words registering behind those big marbles of blue, as bright as the ocean. He worried for a moment that was the wrong thing to say, that tears would start brimming in those eyes and he'd have to awkwardly find a way to fix what he'd just done, not that there would be any way to fix it. But Barbara just gave him a small smile, set her hands at her hips and watched him with a cocky kinda stare. "You didn't think I was…?"

His eyes bulged out of his head again. "No! Oh god, no! O-of course I didn't-! I- I told you about me and-!"

Barbara raised her hand, shaking her head at him like he'd completely missed the joke.

Which he might have…

If the joke was him…

* * *

Evenings at Titans Tower usually went down like this: Dinner, movies, dispersal for solo activity (video games in Beast Boy's case, repairs or time to create in Cyborg's, and training in Robin's), and then an acceptable bedtime. Usually took from five to nine. It was the normalcy they all clung to with their girls missing, and a night never really ended without a common eclipse of nostalgia and longing. But nights in the tower were usually pretty normal, the one time of the day where they could pretend two empty rooms were still inhabited, where for just a few hours, their world returned to normal.

Until the intruder alert started going off right in the middle of the movie.

"Titans! Go!"

He'd wanted Barbara to stay back, but she'd taken one scoffing look at him and stolen one of his masks to wear- just in case. The threat had appeared at the front door and had yet to move, but there were a million and one things that could have meant. Higher ground. Surprise. A distraction. The possibilities ran through his mind, thousands a second, as the four of them stormed down to the entrance. They raced out of the elevator with the anticipation of battle boiling under their skin. It'd been awhile since they'd had a fight to get them all out of the tower, this would be a welcome surprise.

Beast Boy shifted into a tiger, Cyborg readied his canon, and Robin stuck three batarangs between his fingers. Barbara was on the defensive, stuck behind them and prepared to throw her fists at anything that came her way.

The intruder stood at the front door, unmoving, as though they'd been waiting for the titans to collect before them- and they had been.

"Hey."

Beast Boy shifted back into himself, Cyborg's canon died before it could be used, and Robin's batarang-ready hand fell to his side. Before them, leaning against one of the walls of the entrance room, was Terra. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and gave them a half-hearted wave. "It's been awhile."


	4. Heartbreak Part I

She'd never lost her memories, that much she admitted. She'd been scared, guilty, riddled with hatred for who she'd been and the things she'd done. She knew very well that the titans forgave her, she'd seen the flowers at her feet when she woke up, but that didn't mean that she forgave herself.

That's what she told the team (minus Raven and Starfire, much to Terra's disappointment). She'd needed time, time to get more of a hang on her powers without Slade's influence, time to find herself again, understand the rock-climbing, cave-sleeping, salad-bar-devouring girl who got lost in turmoil. Beast Boy was the first to come forward, threw himself over her like a rug over tile, squeezed her with such desperation that she swore he thought he was dreaming. But he wasn't, she was there, and she took the opportunity to dig her nose into the warmth of his neck, nuzzling into the crook. When Beast Boy's kneading fingers released her as he stepped back, she smiled at him, and he smiled back; it was different from his old smile, older, she thought, but there was something else too.

Cyborg came forward and knocked her arm with his fist, teasing smile playing off the rise of his brow. She giggled and lugged him right back. "Welcome back, little lady."

"Good to be back, Cyborg."

"So," Robin stepped to the side, revealing a very different redhead from the one Terra knew, almost as though he'd stepped in front her her protectively. He might have, going by the exasperated shrug from the very slim, very casually dressed stranger. Jeans and a blue v-neck cotton shirt weren't exactly what she expected from a Teen Titan's wardrobe, but she wasn't one to judge. She turned her attention back to Robin, who had approached her with all the stern leader-ness she remembered, though he looked somewhat suspicious. She couldn't blame him, the last time she showed up at the tower without warning, she hadn't exactly been pursuing a career of altruism. "Does this mean you're back? For good?" One half of his mask got bigger, a sign he'd squinted at her with one eye.

Terra chuckled and rubbed at her arm, casting a side glance at Beast Boy, who realized why exactly she was looking to him and smiled. "Yeah sure, if you'll have me?"

There was a dead silence for a few moments, lifeless enough that she had the sudden urge to clear her throat. She waited, glancing from Beast Boy to the floor, to her other side, then back to Robin through the heavy lilt of her lashes. His face was indifferent, lips in a thin line as he scrutinized her with his stare. The stranger behind him tried to peer over his shoulder, get a better look at what was going on. Terra tried to ignore her, she was only making the twist in her stomach a million times worse. She knew she messed up, that sacrificing herself didn't make up for everything she'd done, all the horrible things she'd said, things that were true enough to her friends to hurt, but never things she sincerely thought. She'd wanted to hurt them, and she'd done that. Now she had to figure out a way to undo all of it.

Then Robin smile, offered her a hand to shake. Startled, she froze, some part of her afraid he was messing with her, but Robin would never. Slowly, she reached out and grabbed him; he shook their hands. "Welcome back, Terra."

* * *

Shopping was not her scene. Starfire knew this, and yet there they were, scouring a maternity store for a bra that would fit properly. She'd wanted to go alone, hoped she'd be less conspicuous if she kept to herself, dressed in civilian clothes, but Starfire didn't allow it. "Friend Raven, I am most concerned about the safety of both you and your unborn  _snarglpref_! What would happen should a villain recognize you while you were on your own? I cannot allow it!"

Despite the eccentric wording, she supposed Starfire had a point.

The teenager at the counter seemed unbothered as she rang up the various bras and matching underwear, hardly sparing herself and Starfire a look as she slipped each item into the plastic bags. "Your total is $41.89."

Starfire reached into her new purse- tiny, lavender, with embroidered flowers detailing the flap- and handed the clerk the change. "Friend Raven, are you feeling unwell?"

"What? No, Star, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Apologies, you just look… paler than a Centari Mandra."

"A what?"

"You look unwell."

Raven sighed. "Probably just the baby messing with my skin, is all." She felt fine, not even a headache from the extra bouts of emotion her little one seemed to drink in. Baby had been quiet all day, let her eat without throwing up, didn't make her cry or tear the air conditioner from the wall, so she was actually in a better place today than she usually was. Even Starfire had noticed the small smile on her face as they'd ordered their coffee and tea when they'd dropped by her workplace to pick up her check earlier. Today had been a good day.

Starfire mulled over her response, contemplating whether or not to believe her. She shrugged, ultimately deciding that it must not have been worth talking about if Raven wasn't concerned. The clerk handed them their bags, and they carried on to the next store. Starfire had been looking to indulge in some new nail polishes, and Raven planned on roaming around the spiritual store next door, maybe pick up some incense and see if the baby liked the smell. She hadn't burned any since she'd left the tower, but the growing unease, caused by the life conorting her emotions inside of her, was enough to make her consider something a little more drastic than meditation. She skimmed the rows of trinkets, books for light-reading, and walls of hats and beads and dreamcatchers, pausing at the boxes of incense. She plucked a box from the shelf. She made her way to the front after a few more minutes of wandering the small box of a store, placing the incense on the table. The guy at the counter was much friendlier than the girl in the maternity shop had been, and he smiled at her as their eyes met. It might have helped that she'd been a regular here before she'd left the tower. The television, small and cheap and hanging from the wall of the store, was turned to the news, left playing in the background as they struck up conversation. "Your usual?"

"I'm not feeling…" she nearly raised a hand to her stomach, but shook her head. She didn't want it getting out that she was pregnant. Not yet "... adventurous."

"Hey, you know I don't judge." He waved one hand aimlessly in the air, using the other to swipe the barcode across the register. "Ya know, I don't think I've ever seen you out of uniform."

Raven raised an eyebrow. She'd hoped that wear a cardigan, long and black like her robe, would suffice, that she wouldn't have to deal much with the odd sensation of jeans on her legs, or the thin long-sleeved top she'd bought when her uniform had grown uncomfortably tight around her midsection. She'd hoped nobody would notice the change. "I think I'm" her eye twitched "outgrowing my uniform."

She handed him the cash, which he accepted with a cheeky grin, especially after she told him to keep the change.

" _Once again, Jump City's very own Teen Titans have saved the city!_ " She gasped, turned to the tv to see Cinderblock on the move again, fresh out of jail. She could see her friends, see the procedures she'd come to know so well she could feel her muscles aching to move to join, to help. She reached one hand to her communicator, surprised that it hadn't rung. The fight was over before she could even register Beast Boy's T-Rex hauling into Cinderblock, or hear the burst of Cyborg's canon. The camera was full of dust, full of debris, and smudged with mud, but she could still see them, still see her family. Robin and Cyborg fist-bumped, all grins and confidence. A familiar woman strayed not too far behind, winding up what appeared to be a grappling hook, similar to Robin's. She wore a mask- Robin's mask- but she recognized the hair.  _Tangled limbs, lips against skin, Starfire's tears._  Rage sizzled somewhere inside Nevermore, and Raven felt somewhat less inclined to hold her back.

But then her eyes landed on Beast Boy, who'd jogged into the shot shortly after he'd morphed back into himself. He was all grins and fangs, looking pumped to have been in a fight again after what Raven assumed had been a quiet three months, since she and Starfire hadn't gotten any emergency calls from Robin. Now though, she wasn't so sure. The stranger set her arm on Robin's shoulder, propped against him like he was a wall as she- well, Raven wasn't quite sure. Was she encouraging Beast Boy?

Seemed like it, because his eyes grew three times their size before he very clearly made a poorly-timed joke (or just a bad joke in general), and she watched as the other three hero's faces clenched in disgust or aged prematurely by twenty years. Affection piped up from her corner of Nevermore, egged on by Happy and only restrained by Timid. She couldn't help it, she smiled. Despite everything, despite another woman's name, despite the child that became more alive with every passing day, Affection had never quite let go of Beast Boy, and she wasn't sure she wanted her to. His smile was still big, still bright, still as boyishly handsome as it always had been, as she'd let herself acknowledge it as when she kissed him the first time. She raised two timorous fingers to her lips, hoping to recreate the pressure of him devouring her heart, but she found them a poor substitute.

Beast Boy laughed, the kind of laugh where he had to hold his sides, where he doubled over at his own stupid joke, and she at once missed him so that it swallowed her soul completely. Baby squeezed her heart, or maybe it was Affection; she swallowed. Maybe this had all been a mistake, maybe she was wrong to leave, wrong to keep this from him. He'd be scared, of course he would, but she was every bit as terrified, and what were they together for if not to support each other when the world was crashing down around them? She'd let her insecurities, maybe hormones, get in the way of reason. That'd been wrong. Beast Boy deserved to know. This was her child; this was his child. She raised her other hand to grace her swelling stomach.

And then there was a flash of blonde, and her revelation went as quickly as it'd come, but tore into her with such ferocity she thought it would have been better to never have had an epiphany at all. Terra herself, alive, wide-eyed, beautiful, she came flying over on a small slab of rock, then landed next to Beast Boy with all the grace of a classic woman. She slugged Beast Boy in the shoulder, and he grinned from ear-to-ear and slugged her back. Timid cried out,  _look at them, he's still in love with her. Does that mean he never loved us?_  Reason tried to step in ( _it was a friendly gesture-_ ) but Sorrow screamed over her ( _look at their eyes, look at the way he's smiling, he doesn't miss us at all, this child is a bastard like us_ ) and Rage rumbled beneath the surface ( _we had a purpose, our child does not, and that makes this so much worse than it already was_ ).

The ball of glass, filled with colors and shapes that mirrored sunsets and twilight skies, stable on a podium by the front of the store, shattered in black aura. Her breath hitched, and she realized once again that she was crying. Reason spoke out, momentarily calming the other voices, though they continued to rage inside her mind.  _This is not the place to cry. Find Starfire and phase home._  She took her incense and left without so much as a parting word to the clerk, who watched her with wide, panicked eyes as she fled the store. Had she stuck around, she might have seen the concern in them.

Perhaps that was why she'd looked unwell. She folded her cardigan over herself and rubbed slow circles into her stomach. Perhaps the baby had known what was coming…

* * *

Starfire tucked the blankets over Raven's trembling figure, brushing the strands of hair that'd fallen into her face. Streaks, still wet, still fresh, coated her cheeks like the lines on a paved road. She grimaced, pulling away to rotate her arm where Raven had clung to her as she'd sobbed. It was sore, no doubt bruised from the strength she doubted Raven normally had, but grief did funny things to people. Raven trembled under the covers, but she knew it would be a few hours before she joined the land of the living once more. Crying your eyes out for hours at a time, especially at the month of pregnancy where fatigue begins to set in, was a good way to ensure a long, dreamless sleep. She frowned and turned on their tv, careful to mute it so as to not disturb her now unconscious friend.

It was as Raven said; Terra was back, and the woman in Robin's bed was still there.

Her heart broke all over again.

For herself, for Raven, for the home she was starting to suspect they could not return to for a long time…

That woman, the one he'd let into his bed, the one she saw in her dreams, making Robin putty in her hands, pleasing him; she could never hear her name on the nights her mind graced her with such heartwrenchingly raunchy visions, but she could hear the desperation in Robin's voice, feel the euphoria he never gave her the opportunity to provide. That woman was still there, still smiling at him, still on his arm, and she felt no better once she saw the beautiful blue of her eyes. No wonder Robin had been captivated, she could see even the proudest of warriors submitting to her allure. She just never thought that he'd do so without so much as a goodbye.

Her eyes were burning, and she squeezed them shut as the tears started. She'd stayed strong as Raven wept, because she was an empath, because crying too would make things worse, but now Raven was asleep, and she could let it all out so long as she stayed silent. Her legs curled to her chest, and she wrapped her arms around them and dug her head into her knees, biting her lip to keep the whimpering at a low. Robin's hands cupping her own. Robin's boyish smile. Robin holding her face, pulling her into him, hands in her hand, lips pressed so sweetly to her own. The way he said her name, the comfort he brought her. She knew it was gone, it was all gone, so far behind her now that she couldn't even touch it, touch him. She loved him, she loved him so much, why had it ended this way, why could they not last, why could she not stay forever in his arms, kiss him, adore him, stay with him?

She thought he loved her.

She'd been wrong about that.

* * *

When Raven woke up, her eyes felt as crusty as sand, like somebody had taken a handful of glue and glitter and held both to her eyelids until they were heavy and thick with sleep. Her body, she noticed as she tried to sit up, was numb with sleep, like she'd exhausted every limb. She shook it off- must have been the fatigue, or the hours of crying. She made a note to threaten Starfire's life should she ever tell anyone she'd acted so emotional. It was out of character, though she supposed so was getting pregnant. She sat up and yawned. "Starfire, it's getting late, you should turn the tv off and get some sleep." There was no response.

Raven looked over her shoulder. "Star, did you hear what I-?" The bed was empty, still made from this morning, though the edge of the foot of the bed seemed to have been lounged on. She raised an eyebrow. "Starfire?" She glanced to the bathroom, but the door was wide open, and there wasn't a sound to go by- running water, singing, footsteps- anything. A quick glance at the clock told her that she hadn't slept well into the next morning, because it was only two in the morning. A quick glance at the door confirmed that. Raven slid out of bed, raising an eyebrow. "Where in the world could you have possibly gone at two in freaking morning…" Her normal monotone was back, and she was thankful for that. Normalcy was what she needed right now, before the baby realized she was awake.

It'd taken her a few minutes to track Starfire's location, and a generous walk to what appeared to be some docks, but any upset that had started in her stomach had been quelled upon seeing Starfire sitting at the very edge of the docks.  _I get it, Baby, you like Starfire. I do too, that's why we keep her around._  "Couldn't sleep?"

If Starfire was startled by her sudden company, she didn't show it. "No, I am afraid I could not."

Raven took a seat next to her. "Wanna talk about it?"

Starfire sighed, swinging her legs limply over the side of the dock, tips of her shoes brushing the edge of the water, creating ripples where she moved. Raven dangled her legs over the side in solidarity, though her own were far too short to reach the tides below. "I used to think Robin and I were destined to be together…"

"I know the feeling."

"I just-" Starfire grinded her teeth, and in the light of the moon she could see the glossy finish of her eyes "I do not understand why Robin would commit the act of infidelity! He has always been  _the stickler_  and the strict follower of  _the rules_ , and that is the biggest of them all!"

Raven shrugged. "Well Star, sometimes we're wrong about people. Sometimes we trust them more than we should. It's part of being human."

"But I am not human." Starfire looked at her, glassy eyes filled with defiance, but desperation despite the instinct. "Raven, you can feel the emotions of others, can you not? Did Robin…" She glanced back down at the water, the way her boots graced the small waves "...Did Robin ever truly love me?"

Raven sighed. "I couldn't tell you, Star. He made me promise to never use my abilities on him, and I never saw much of a reason to,"  _until now_. Starfire whimpered, pulling her legs up with her arms, digging her chin into the crook between her knees. Raven's heart broke for the second time that day, watching her process, fully, what Robin had done. "Do you think he did?"

"...I do not think so, and I am starting to fear that I am correct."

Raven wasn't much for physical affection, and maybe it was the baby (which she'd blame it on later), or maybe it was the three months of confinement to close quarters with the most physically affectionate alien on the planet, but she wrapped an arm around Starfire and pulled her into an awkward side-hug. "There, uh, there…" she tried to comfort her. If Starfire was put off, once again, she didn't show it, must have been a pretty good actress. She turned her head into Raven's shoulder and cried.

They sat there for awhile, Raven wasn't sure how long. The moon had inched further into the sky, the sounds of cars nearby came and went, men on their way home to their families, children on their way home for the summer. These were things the two of them may never have. Starfire's tears had ceased, her breathing had returned to normal, but the comfort of their embrace far outlasted the original empathetic purpose. They both needed it, support. They could not find it where it should have been, and would not find it elsewhere, so they would work with what they had as they always have.

"Aw, am I interrupting something?"

How had she not felt him? Raven and Starfire pulled away, whipping to find a shadow standing atop the warehouse behind them. There was a cape they could make out, confidence (borderline narcissism), humor in his stance. They both blinked and stood. Starfire used the adrenaline spike to call on a starbolt, and held it up in the air with the hopes they could see the intruder better. It made no difference.

He laughed. "Don't recognize me? Can't tell by my voice?" He leaped from the roof in a surprising display of acrobatics, landing a few feet before them without so much as a grunt. They both went to take a step back, only to feel their heels edging off of the side of the dock. They glanced back to the waters, once calming before, now cold and beckoning. "Now now, ladies, don't go taking a dip just yet." Starfire raised the bolt higher, in warning. He took it in stride. One shadowed hand raised an amulet, red and glittering in the moonlight, round and regal from the gold chain it hung from. "You've gotta make an attempt to beat this off me, don't ya?"

Only a foot away then, and Red X was still moving closer.


	5. Heartbreak Part II

The Heimweh Ruby was a thing of beauty, red like the blood moon, bright as the flashlights on the guards wandering aimlessly around the warehouses (not a clue he'd gotten by them, and not a clue the ruby was now clasped safely in his hand). It was rare that he stopped to appreciate the beauty in life, but the shine of the jewel in his hand was more than enough for him to give a low whistle. Pretty little thing; Miss Petrovski hadn't the faintest clue how much it was worth, or how hefty her security probably should have been. Didn't matter much. He'd gotten away with it, not so much as a single eye to call the Teen Titans on Heimweh's behalf, what remained of them, anyway. He'd seen the new leading ladies, not quite as impressive as the gothic ballerina or Leeloo's hotter alien sister, but he guessed they'd outgrown running around following orders from a sentient traffic light.

He was almost disappointed.

Red X flipped atop the warehouse's roof, snickering to himself at the oblivious guards a couple floors below. They heard a noise, he guessed, but the way they scratched their heads before going around and repeating the same route they'd failed to guard before, well, they probably hadn't figured out they'd been bamboozled. He sighed and closed the sunroof below him. He'd been hoping for a little more action tonight. His limbs were aching to stretch and tense the way they only could when he fought. And maybe he also wanted to see the Boy Wonder's face as he taunted him again. It'd been too long.

He stood and made his way to the edge of the roof with haste, preparing to duck and roll and make his way back to his base, but he paused, because there were two beauties resting in an embrace at the dock across from his stance on the roof's edge. Should he bother them? Mess up the moment just to be a jerk? He snorted. Oh yeah, absolutely, especially if it meant that he got to fight. "Aw, am I interrupting something?"

They both startled, leaped to their feet. The hot one lit one of her hands, and it was only then that he saw she wasn't in her usual crop top and miniskirt, and the other one wasn't exactly in uniform either. He raised an eyebrow behind his mask, taking in the jeans and blouses with somewhat amused bafflement. They squinted, and he could tell they didn't see him as clearly as he saw them. Perspective helped, he thought as he bounded forward "Don't recognize me? Can't tell by my voice?" He landed, and they both tried to back away from him, only to find that any further back and they'd be very wet and very at his mercy. He snickered. "Now now, ladies, don't go taking a dip just yet" he drew closer, and they inclined their backs to lean further away from him. He held the Heimweh out for them to see, dangling it like the shiny prize that it was in front of their panicked faces. "You've gotta make an attempt to beat this off me, don't ya?"

He grew closer, and Raven growled, low and threatening, a warning for him to stay away. Starfire bristled. "Raven, I will handle things here, please return home."

"What? Starfire-"

"I said I have got the this to be had, go!"

Starfire lunged toward him with one fist. Easy to dodge, simple to counter. He grabbed her wrist and swung right by her, swinging his leg up to hit her back, send her stumbling to the ground. Too late, he realized that she had distracted him as Raven ducked by, but he'd let her. He could handle his own against all of the titans at once. Dealing with one? He'd be out of here long before any help she went to go call for arrived.

Starfire got back up, took aim at his face as she- once again- used her fist instead of a starbolt? He frowned and dodged her easily. "You sure you're feeling up to this, Red?" STarfire swung her leg at his shoulder, and he narrowly missed it.

"I will not allow criminals like you to get away!"

He continued dodging her attacks, too slow to get any real fun out of but too intriguing to ignore. He'd expected more out of a fight with an alien princess, and quite frankly? He was a little annoyed his blood wasn't boiling. "I'm not sure you have a choice here, Cupcake." He threw his own fist at her, aiming for her face, but she moved to block it with both of her forearms. Bad move. He swept her legs out from under her, expecting her to lift off her feet, but instead she fell backwards like a useless human girl. She grunted, and he took the opportunity to climb atop her, pin her wrists at either side of her head. He didn't need to hit her with an X, she was irritatingly, laughably easy to pin. Her eyes widened as his knees grappled either side of her hips, and she fought him the best she could, but for some reason that alien strength he'd personally felt, more than once, simply wasn't there. He'd felt it earlier, when the other one had still been present, the righteous fury he always felt in her when he'd said something particularly flirtatious. That fight was gone now, seeping out of her as he gloves squeezed her skin. "What's going on with you, Red? I was expecting more of a fight."

"I intend to give you one!"

That's not what her eyes said. Her eyes read helpless, scared, angry, but what concerned him most was docile. Acquiesce. He wasn't sure if that piqued his interest or peeved him all the more. He squeezed her wrists again, pushed them into the ground, and she cried out for it. "Why aren't you using your powers?" He narrowed his eyes and leaned closer to her, mask brushing the tip of her nose. He waited for those green eyes to burn with pure heat, but he still saw her pupils. "Why aren't you fighting me?"

"I am!"

"You're not!" He dug her wrists even further into the ground to make a point. "Tell me why you won't fight me!"

Then the air left him as he was suddenly lifted up by his torso.

He let go of Starfire's wrists, surprised as the sudden squeeze in his lungs. He winced as the black fist pulled him into the air, tightened its grip with such malice he swore it was trying to force his organs one way or the other- up or down. "Starfire!" He cracked one eye open to see the other one had returned, and her powers seemed to be working just fine. Why had Starfire been the one to step up to fight him then? Why had Raven been protected instead of doing the protecting? "Let's go! The rest of the Titans should be here any-!" She winced, and the fist around his body suddenly grew a lot weaker.

Starfire sat up, more fear in her eyes than he'd seen in the entirety of their fight, maybe in every fight. "Raven!"

Red X grunted and gripped the finger closest to his hands, heaving as air returned to him. He ripped it apart, the aura dissipated, and he dropped to the ground, wheezing. Starfire scurried away.  _Oh you're not getting off that easy!_  He pulled some x's from his belt, sifting them through his fingers so he could release three at a time, right at their stupid little-

He stopped. Raven had fallen to her knees, and Starfire was right there beside her, holding her hand. "Raven! What is the matter? Raven!" If he thought he'd had trouble breathing, Raven looked like every puff was hardly enough to keep her lungs satisfied. Her breathing was shallow, came and went in quick motions. Starfire's presence seemed to help, but Raven was in agony, he could tell. Her face scrunched up so tight it looked like her nose would pop right off, lips curved into a snarl, one that wasn't directed at him. "Raven, are you-?"

"Star, I need-" her voice came out strangled, hardly audible between her grinding teeth. "Hospital. Now!"

Hospital? Not the tower? What could that be about? Red X sat up on one knee, one hand still clutching his chest where she'd turned him into a living stress ball. It didn't matter, it wasn't his problem. As she'd said (if she'd been telling the truth), the Titans were going to be here any minute, it wasn't a great idea to stick around much longer. Then he saw the pool of blood collecting between her thighs, soaking her jeans, and he knew exactly what had happened.

Starfire made the move to pick Raven up, carry her, but hadn't expected the extra hands over her own. Red X hardly paid her any mind as she gasped. "Take it easy, breath in. Breath out. We'll get you to a doctor, don't worry. You're gonna be fine."

Starfire frowned at Red X as he tore his cape from his back and wrapped it around Raven like a blanket, slipping his arms under her legs to carry her bridal style. He turned to her and nodded in the other direction. "The nearest hospital is .2 miles this way. Think you can keep up?" Starfire, between the astonishment, alarm, and doubt, managed to nod. Red X cradled Raven's head against his chest, turning to run in the direction of the hospital.

* * *

Along the way he asked her simple things, like if she knew if there'd been weight loss (not that she could tell), back pain (plenty), or cramping ("not the kind you get after you eat something bad, real cramping, the kind that makes you double-over" he'd said, to which she'd told him Raven hadn't mentioned any, no). She watched him as he used his grappling hook to propel them faster, as he carried Raven over rooftops and skylines and hardly paused to be sure that Starfire had kept up, though every now and then he'd call to her to be sure he hadn't lost her. He hadn't. She was too worried about Raven, too scared for her life- for the life of her  _snarglpref_. She hadn't initially trusted Red X to haul her friend to the nearest doctor, but she could feel, maybe as an extension of Raven's powers, that he was focused on getting her medical attention, had thought for little else the last three minutes.

"She been feeling light-headed?"

"I believe she has experienced the fatigue that is considered normal."

"No fainting?"

"No," Starfire watched as he landed atop the hospital, leaping to land beside him with something akin to dread gripping her heart as he pulled Raven closer and aimed his grappling hook for the nearest ambulance. "Please, do you think she has-?"

"I'm no doctor, I couldn't tell you." He gestured for her to come closer, and she obliged, wrapping her arms around his neck as he hoisted them down to the first floor of the emergency room. Raven whimpered, and he shushed her. "Shh, it's gonna be okay. We've got you." Starfire brushed the hair out of Raven's face, but she couldn't help glancing back up to Red X. She pulled away and followed from a distance as he handed her off to the medical staff, eyes catching the gentle way he passed her, how she could still hear him whispering to Raven that things would be okay, that they'd be okay.

With a start, she realized that once again, she was floating.

* * *

It was nearly 3:30 in the morning when the alarm started going off- a warehouse in the eastern part of Jump City. Red X. The guard who'd triggered the alarm said that he'd been after a priceless ruby, the Jewel of Heimweh. This wouldn't be easy, especially at such an early hour, but it was their job, and Red X was on his list…

"Okay, so.. Who is Red X exactly?"

"Don't know. Some guy who stole my tools."

Batgirl raised an eyebrow behind her mask, looking decidedly more herself in her actual suit. She'd fixed it from the fiasco of a first night in Jump City. Took some time, but a little help from Robin and Cyborg had rendered it ready for duty earlier that night. "And you haven't figured out who he is yet?"

Her head was set at his shoulder, arms wrapped as securely as possible around him as they sped down the highway on his R-Cycle. Part of her snickered at the glower she knew he was wearing. He was so much like Batman, so much like his father, and she doubted he'd want to hear it. "He's good. Too good. He knows all my moves, all my tricks. Like he was there with me when Br- when Batman was training me."

Barbara hummed, and despite her wishes, she let herself stray to think about a crowbar, a haunting laugh, and red- so much red. She let herself wonder, but Robin didn't know. Robin had no idea he wasn't the only Boy Wonder anymore- well, he was again now, she supposed. "Maybe he kinda was…" If Robin heard her, he didn't give any indication of it.

* * *

Beast Boy glanced around, not seeing anything to suggest Red X, the most annoying, kick-buttingly mysterious dude he'd ever known, had been there. When he looked to Cyborg, he'd found he'd come to a similar conclusion, looking just as lost as he felt. They both shrugged at each other. Terra looked under the dock, checking to be sure he wasn't just hiding so that he wouldn't get his rear end kicked in. He wasn't, and upon having exhausted all of her ideas, she joined Cyborg and Beast Boy in the noncommittal shrugging.

Robin and Batgirl emerged from the warehouse, followed by a very frazzled-looking head of security. "Find anything?"

Cyborg shook his head. "No trace."

Robin grunted and cupped his chin between his thumb. "The Heimweh Ruby is definitely gone. It's not like him to disappear without a fight."

"Maybe he didn't?" Batgirl pointed to a darker corner of the warehouse, the very edge where the docks came to an end, and the moonlight didn't quite hit. There was a dark puddle, not quite dry, but not fresh. Robin approached it, bending down to stick one gloved finger in the murky mud. It was thick, exactly the consistency he'd been expecting. He rolled it between his fingers, then briefly sniffed at it.

"Blood."

"Blood?" Terra glanced around to see if there were any other traces, but that singular puddle was all they had to go on. "Was he bleeding? Did he hurt someone?"

Robin shrugged. "Not sure. Beast Boy, think you can track him down with this?"

"Uhh, assuming it's his blood, yeah." Beast Boy came to Robin's side, shifted into a dog. He sniffed at the blood on Robin's fingers, then seemed to pause, as if confused. The rest of the titans watched as Beast Boy's head tilted to the side, registering the smell, but every second that passed left him looking more and more distraught. He moved away from Robin's hand, instead opting to sniff the puddle directly. He should have gotten it after the first few sniffs, but for some reason he continued sniffing. The rest of the group grew increasingly unsettled, watching him smell, pause, then dig his nose in it some more, like he couldn't quite place it, but it wasn't that. Robin cocked an eyebrow.

"Beast Boy?"

The green dog pulled away, morphing back into their friend, but the haunted look on his face left more to the imagination than expected. His eyes were wide, and when he looked at Robin, he was looking right past him. "I… I dunno how to say this…" Terra bent down and pressed a supportive hand to his shoulder, but he hardly knew she was there. Robin waited for him to talk, not wanting to force it out of him. Red X was clearly long gone from here, but the look in Beast Boy's eye (he knew it well, had seen it in Bruce's eyes, had felt his own well with tears as they looked that same way years and years and years ago) said there was something more pressing. He too placed a hand to Beast Boy's shoulder and squeezed, seemed to get the reaction he was looking for. Beast Boy's wide eyes turned on him, as if only now realizing he was there. He choked a few times, couldn't get the words out, but eventually he said: "That's not Red X's blood. That's Raven's."


	6. Examination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to @westernfan1 on tumblr for beta reading this chapter for me! You rock, man!

Cyborg hummed as he opened his arm, started the process of inputting the codes that would activate Raven's tracking device remotely. He paused before he pressed send, muling over it before he said anything. "Robin, they made us promise not to-"

"I don't care what we promised!" Robin swung his arm out, as if to be sure everyone was keeping their distance. "Raven's in trouble! I'm not just going to stand here! We're tracking them and that's final!" Cyborg shook his head, but activated Raven's tracker.

Beast Boy, who'd been still as stone by the puddle of dried blood, pressed off the ground to stand. Terra followed him, unsure that he could, properly. He brushed her hand off. "I'm with Robin. If Raven's hurt, I'm going to find her." Terra slid around in front of him.

"Beast Boy?"

He shook his head, and she would have said more, but she didn't, because his eyes told her all she needed to know. They were set, nearly primal, more mature than the Beast Boy she'd known, though just as determined as he'd always been. His fists clenched at his sides, and he stood taller than she remembered. He was looking at her, but she knew he wasn't seeing her. "I'm not losing her…"

Maybe she'd known, even when they'd had a  _thing_ , even when he'd spent his time drooling over her at training sessions and over pizza (she could remember playfully chiding him as his saliva covered her plate "Ew, BB!"). Maybe she'd known after her first return, when she'd catch Raven stealing glances at him, when she'd see Beast Boy looking right past her shoulder. Maybe she'd known for a long time. And she had known, always knew it factored into why Raven hadn't trusted her, always knew Beast Boy's attention was fleeting, because his affections were never hers, not really. She'd seen it since joining the Titans a third time. Beast Boy had been himself, mostly, and he played video games with her and whined when she took Cyborg's side in a stankball match, but he hadn't flirted with her since she'd come home, still told her she was awesome but the hearts in his eyes were gone. When they went a few moments without talking, when they sat in silence skipping stones off the island, she could see he was still missing somebody. That somebody wasn't her, not anymore. She'd figured.

Terra smiled, reached forward and pressed her hand to his fist, lightly pulling so he unwound. "You're right, you won't," she squeezed his hand. "Let's go find your girl." He smiled back at her.

Robin flipped open his communicator. "They're at Jump City Hospital. Let's hope Red X didn't follow them." He punched his palm, the Robin Signal that told them somebody was rearing to get hurt. "Titans! Go!"

* * *

It'd been a few minutes, not a long time, but it felt like an eternity to Starfire. She paced outside the emergency room entrance, wearing a ditch in the sidewalk. She was sure somebody would make her stop, eventually, but she would burn through the soles of her shoes before she stopped worrying. Was this normal for pregnant women on this planet? The baby wasn't due for another six months, correct? She shook her head. Raven had been fine leading up to tonight, perfectly healthy, if maybe sad, but they both were. That was okay, they had each other. But what if she'd missed something? What if there'd been signs that she hadn't known to look out for? Had she failed Raven? Her heart sank into her stomach.

The doors opened, and Red X sauntered out despite the wary eyes of the hospital security. "Hey, Red, it's been fun, but I'm gonna head ou-" Starfire raised a starbolt to his face, and he raised his hands in defense.

"You thought I would forget that you had taken that which is not yours?"

A single bead of sweat rolled down his head. "Uh, kinda?" He took it out of his pocket and swung it around his finger. "Look, I'm just gonna hold onto it. Ya know, as a reward for being a good samaritan."

Starfire glared at him, but her starbolt faded. He watched with interest as her arm retreated to her side. "Got your powers back?"

"How did you-?" Red X stared back. She sighed. "No, it is merely the excitement of all of this, of Friend Raven getting hurt, of you helping us despite our numerous hostile interactions of the past?" Starfire brushed her arm with one hand, hoping to ease the bumps of goose. She wanted nothing more than to be at home in the tower, curled up under a blanket, waking up to Cyborg and Beast Boy's arguments over what foods to serve at breakfast. She longed for the familiarity. Right now she felt so out of place, like the motel room was any less a place to rest without Raven (it was, it was), like she couldn't get her thoughts together, like she was the only one feeling like her mind was about to fulminate. The momentary bliss of Red X's assistance, the joy of feeling once again like she and Raven had someone else to rely on, faded. He was an enemy, and he was leaving, and she was going to be alone again. "I wanted to thank you for your effort in assisting Raven and I. It was… kind of you."

Red X shrugged, slyly (they both knew she saw it) sticking the jewel back into his pocket. "Don't mention it. And I mean really," his voice dropped "don't mention it."

Starfire offered him a small smile. "Now go, before I can do the changing of my mind."

He seemed surprised, but he ducked back into the shadows of the early morning. "I'll be seeing you later, Red." He turned around, and she sighed. "Oh, and one more thing?" He glanced over his shoulder at her. "You should probably tell your little friends the truth. They don't look too happy." He leaped away, leaving Starfire to raise an eyebrow. What did he-?

" _Starfire_!"

Her heart did a somersault between her ribs, because she knew that voice. She'd missed that voice. She whipped around and he was right there, clear as day even in the darkness of 3am in Jump City. Robin, followed by the rest of the Teen Titans, eyes wide, running to her like she was the first drink of water he'd gotten in weeks. Her cheeks flushed. "Robin!" She'd missed him, missed him so badly. She wanted to cry, wanted to fly into him and swing around and feel his steady dependable hands on her. She wanted to hear him laugh, wanted him to rest his head against hers like she'd never left in the first place. But that girl was still here, not far behind him, and so Starfire blushed, but she pressed that heat down and down and down until it was buried under reality.

He skidded to a halt a few feet in front of her, and she could tell he knew that this reunion did not mean the end of this, whatever had been going on. Terra rushed forward and crushed Starfire in a hug, which she was glad to return, though she found she didn't have the strength to return the affection in full capacity. "Starfire! It's been forever!"

"Terra, you are back!"

Terra released her after a moment, stepping back to let Robin interrogate the way only Robin could. That said, he seemed unsure as their eyes met for the first time in months. "Starfire! Where's Raven?"

"She is inside. The doctors are finding what is wrong."

"Wait," Beast Boy approached, not far behind Robin and Terra. "You mean Red X didn't go all stabby stabby?"

Starfire tilted her head. "Stabby stabby? You mean you thought that he had done the puncturing of her with a sharp object, yes?" She shook her head. "That is not what happened. Red X was assisting us."

"Really?" Cyborg raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms. "Red X? Mister Mysterious only-out-to-help-himself Red X?"

"Why would he help you, what happened? Why is she bleeding?" Her heart skipped a beat, not because it was happy, but because pain seized it like a kebab, sifting straight through with the sharpness of an arrow. The girl from Robin's bed had spoken, was waiting for an answer. Starfire met her inquisitive eyes with a wounded gaze. She bulked. "Oh! Right, sorry, I'm Batgirl."

"I see…"

"Robin's friend."

"Yes," Starfire looked to Robin "I am aware."

Robin seemed perplexed by her tone, as it betrayed the neutral stance she'd held earlier, but he glossed over it. "Okay. Star? Wanna tell us what's really been going on?"

 _You should probably tell your little friends the truth_. Starfire winced. "I am unsure if Raven would be willing to divulge such information." It wasn't her news to share, was it? A negative part of her mind, a voice that sounded suspiciously like her sister, mocked her hesitation.  _Why are you so worried? She probably lost the baby anyway_. She shook her head to rid herself of such vile thoughts. Raven would be fine. The baby would be fine. "I am sorry."

"Starfire," Robin placed a hand on her shoulder "We're a little passed secrets now." He nodded to the emergency room. She swallowed hard and glanced at the other titans, at Beast Boy, who looked about ready to melt into a very green, vibrating mess of goo with the way his entire body seemed to tremble. He was scared, scared for his lover, for the girl who hid from him for three months, and he didn't even know why. She bit the inside of her cheek. Robin was right. She closed her eyes and solemnly nodded. Robin took a step back as the rest of the team inched closer.

"Friends," she hoped Raven would forgive her "Friend Raven is with child, and we fear it has been lost."

The group fell silent. She didn't look at any of them. She didn't want to see them process three month's worth of secrets only for it to collapse at the end. It was too soon to be sure, of course, but there'd been so much blood. Starfire cringed. Her cape, a patch had been a deep violet by the time they'd reached the hospital. Her hands clasped together in front of her, squeezing the life out of each other as she wrung them. It was over now, they knew. They all did.

"Um," Beast Boy, Starfire could hear the tremble in his voice, and it killed her. "Was it… do you know if it was- if it is?-" Starfire didn't meet his eyes, but she nodded.

"There was no other man Raven had welcomed into her bed."

There was a choking sound, and she could tell that he was crying, or about to be. He seemed to grow quiet. Nobody else made a sound. Starfire felt her own eyes welling with tears. She'd been worried, so, so worried, and Red X's calm had made it better somehow, because he was detached. It hadn't felt real. But standing in front of her friends, hearing Beast Boy's stifled sobs, reality once again played the part of a cruel sadist, and she could do nothing but watch.

Robin exhaled. "Do we know for sure that it's-?"

"No," she bit her lip, but the tears were already coming, and she didn't have the energy to repress them. "But there was so much blood, and she could hardly breath and- and-!" She covered her mouth with both hands, trying to muffle the sound at the very least.

"Hey," there was a hand at her shoulder, and she found big beautiful blue eyes staring right into her, non judgemental, just full of pity. "We don't know that she's lost the baby yet, okay? There's lots of reasons she could have bled like that, especially if you're dealing with DNA like Beast Boy's. Ask Miss Martian! I still don't think SuperBoy's recovered from that whole mess."

Starfire wiped at her eyes. "You are certain?"

Batgirl chuckled under her breath "Uh, maybe not certain per-say, but I wouldn't give up hope just yet!" Cyborg placed a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. Beast Boy shut his eyes and nodded. There was another hand on Starfire's other arm, pressing against her, squeezing her gently. Robin. He gave her a small smile, the one she'd held onto dearly in memory for all the months she'd been away.

"Let's all get to the waiting room. When Raven wakes up, we're gonna wanna be there."

* * *

Beast Boy sat with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He hadn't moved in the last fifteen minutes, not that anybody expected him to. Terra and Cyborg sat to either side of him, Terra rubbing soothing circles into his back as Cyborg flipped through one of the several-year-old magazines, occasionally peeking over to check on Beast Boy. Starfire sat across from Beast Boy, snug between Robin's and Batgirl's seats (though Batgirl had wandered off with everybody's orders to grab snacks from the vending machine). It was every bit as uncomfortable as she'd worried it'd be, but she saw no excuse she could take to switch to a different seat- one on the other side, maybe next to Cyborg. She wrung her hands again, and Robin watched her.

The door to the waiting room opened. Everybody turned.

It was only Batgirl, pushing the door open with one foot as she cradled a haul of sweets, snacks, and sodas in her arms. She grunted and awkwardly pressed into the room. "Could I- ugh- get some help here?" Cyborg set down the magazine and made his way over, holding the door open for her as she waddled in. She dropped the full variety on the table, wiping her brow of nonexistent sweat. "Phew! Thought for sure I was gonna lose Terra's hot fries."

Terra lunged for the bag, ripping it open with a smile and a hardly audible thanks to Barbara. Robin grinned and reached for the potato chips, popping one into his mouth before saying "Thanks, Batgirl!"

"Don't mention it. Least I could do for you guys after you let me crash at the tower the last few months."

Starfire didn't reach to pick up a sweet dessert or a salty snack, and neither did Beast Boy, who had done little but move his hand to glance at the full table before stuffing his face right back into his fingers. She felt him, knew that the anticipation was killing him, was killing all of them, but she was still glad for the company. She'd missed all of them, missed this comradery. Missed what it felt like to be larger than just two people. They knew now, there was no more hiding, no more panicking about someone finding out.

But what would happen now? Would she and Raven return to the motel? Well, that may depend on whether or not they lost the baby. If they did, if all that blood had been as bad as she thought it'd been, she feared for Raven's relationship with Beast Boy, feared it would have been better if she'd never told any of them, then they could return home and only they would have known about Raven's loss. Now? Beast Boy may require the space, as would Raven, and in that case Raven may be too mad at her to share this newfound space together again. Then she'd be truly alone, unable to return home, and Raven would isolate herself from all of her friends once more (she thought of a white room and a white robe and red eyes). She wrung her hands.

But if the baby hadn't been lost? There was no way Beast Boy would let her go again, not knowing now that she was carrying his child. He'd want her to return to the tower, which meant Starfire would probably follow (because, honestly, she'd had space, she knew what she wanted to say to Robin, she was just terrified because she loved him, she loved him so much and-!); she wrung her hands. She didn't know if she could handle any of the potential ends of this situation. She was scared, scared the way she'd been when she'd sat on the bathroom floor of the tower with Raven all those months ago, trying to talk her out of leaving. There was a gloved hand on her own. "Starfire?"

She gasped, ceasing in her ministrations. Robin watched her with consideration. "Star, you're going to break your hands." Her brow furrowed, and she glanced down to find that her hands were, indeed, red with some bruising at her knuckles where she pressed the hardest. They hurt now that she was looking at them, but she hadn't felt anything earlier. She frowned. "Starfire, Raven's going to be fine. She's a fighter, you know that." She could hear Beast Boy letting out a sobering breath, and see Terra leaning her head against his as he slumped forward even further.

Raven was not the only thing she was worried about, but she'd let Robin believe that. "Yes, she is the fighter."

She thought he'd move his hand, but he didn't. He twisted her wrist instead, slowly turning her palm around so he could lace his fingers through hers. Her brain, the part that remembered talking to Raven earlier, it told her that she needed to move that hand, rip it away from him because he'd betrayed her, but she yearned for his touch, and found herself too weak to fight him.

There was a bag of cookies in front of her face, and she turned to see Batgirl offering them up with a smile. "C'mon, ya look like death. You eaten anything?"

"Only the breakfast of small cereal boxes and bountiful breads."

"Continental breakfast?"

"Yes, that."

Batgirl shook the bag in front of her face, and she took it with her free hand. Robin smiled, and she could see Batgirl watching him on her other side.  _She is not the nasty wrecker of homes that I had thought she was… perhaps I was correct, and Robin truly does carry the feelings of love for her_? She closed her eyes and let a shaking breath cross her nose.

The door opened again, and this time a doctor strolled in, clipboard in hand. He stood on the taller side, though there was a curve in his back that must have come from age, going by the lines that framed his smile. Glasses, thick and rectangular, sat on his nose, but his grey eyes were still very visible, and very kind. Beast Boy shot out of his seat, Starfire and Robin not far behind him. The doctor smiled at them, not the kind of smile Starfire associated with bad news. "Teen Titans, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Robin stepped forward and shook his hand. "Ya know, you all saved my little girl once from that nasty oozing guy. The one with all the green?"

"Plasmus?" Robin offered.

"Yes, that guy." The doctor cleared his throat, adjusted the clipboard so it rested under his arm. "Anyway, no need to worry about your friend. She's perfectly safe and healthy, they both are."

Beast Boy tensed, and the rest of the titans stood up. "Does that mean…?"

The good doctor's smile only widened. "The baby is fine, though she'll want to go easy on using her powers. According to the tests we ran, the amount of stress it puts onto her body is-" Beast Boy was out the door, faster than any of them could blink, leaving a gust of wind to trail behind him. It nearly knocked the doctor off his feet, and thoroughly ruined the hair days of all three present super-ladies. Robin adjusted his mask back into place and the doctor adjusted his glasses. "I take it he's the father?"

"How'd ya guess."

"Very good, then" he went around, shaking the hands of the remaining titans. "My name is Doctor Thompkins. Please, if you have any other questions, do give me a call."

"Wait," Batgirl raised a hand. "Doctor Thompkins? Are you… related to a woman named Leslie by any chance?"

His eyes lit up. "Why, yes! My dear cousin Leslie! I do hope she's doing well. How do you know her?"

Robin and Batgirl blanched, skin going deathly pale. "Uhh-"

"Saved her a few times-"

"Dropped a few patients in her care-"

"You know how it is?"

He blinked. Robin grew concerned he hadn't bought their fib. Then he laughed and shook his head, turning around to leave. "Oh Leslie, Leslie, Leslie, always had a deathwish living in Gotham, that one…" The door shut behind him.

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Y'all wanna tell us what that was about?"

Batgirl nervously grinned and Robin shook his head. "Later. Let's go check up on Raven."


	7. What a Lovely Way of Sayin' How Much You Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my boyfriend DJT who beta read this one. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out if Raven was in-character or not :X

Her brain was splitting before she opened her eyes, like the darkness she was accustomed to taking comfort in had taken instead to hammering at her head with Robin's bo staff. She winced and raised one hand to her head, only to have it meet some resistance. She cracked an eye open and found an IV taped to her hand. She glanced at the bag, hoping against all hope that those weren't painkillers because  _no, had Starfire not told them she was pregnant_? Then again, she hadn't remembered it being Starfire who'd handed her off, though she recalled the light consoling brush of her fingers, sweeping the hair out of her eyes. Actually, she didn't remember much at all of the trip to the hospital. Red X attacked, she ran to tell a guard (so the guard could call on the Titans, neither her nor Starfire were fit to fight), and she'd come back to hoist Red X off of the compromising position she'd found him in with Starfire. There'd been a sharp, yet dull pain, like a jagged knife grazing the inside of her womb, and then she'd passed out.

Dread, thick and heavy and so very, very there, lurched in her as she shot upward, one hand at her swollen stomach. Oh Azar, please oh please have let the baby make it, please tell her she hadn't-

"The baby's okay."

Her hand dropped from her stomach; Happy sang in her mind for the first time in months. She turned to see Beast Boy, standing at the door, one hand awkwardly rubbing at his other behind his back. He smiled shyly at her, one pointed tooth jutting out at the corner of his lip. Her mouth fell open despite her inability to speak. Something, probably a cheap flower vase, exploded behind her on the windowsill. Beast Boy laughed, not his usual laugh, something lower. "Yeah, Doctor said you shouldn't do that anymore, at least until you have the baby."

"B-Beast Boy I- I-"

"Raven," He raised one hand, approaching her slowly, considerately... He was still smiling, and Affection tittered at the sight. "Why didn't you tell me?" Ah, of course he wanted to know. Why wouldn't he? She tried to grimace, but she wasn't very convincing, so she turned her head to her lap and folded her hands silently in front of her. Beast Boy drew closer. "Why'd you have to do all of this? Why'd you hide it from me?"

"Because you weren't ready to be a father."

He gripped her wrist, she looked at him. His lips were a straight thin line, but there wasn't anger in his eyes, not in the way his brows furrowed or the drop of his eyes. No, he looked sad. She'd made him sad. "Rae, we both know that's a lie."

She blinked, turned her head to her lap again and prayed that the tears firing against her eyes wouldn't fall. "Beast Boy… I grew up knowing I was nothing to my father, nothing but a portal for him to destroy my world- my friends. I tried…" she choked, and she loathed how weak she felt "so hard… to make him care about me, to be his daughter. But I never got there. I'd never known support and trust and everything else Robin and Starfire are always going on about. I'd never felt…" Raven grit her teeth as the first tear slithered down her cheek "...loved." She raised her other hand to her stomach, rubbing the swell back and forth. She breathed in, then the breath shuddered out. "I didn't want that for my child."

There was a warm hand on hers, and the thumb trailed her stomach, tracing her path. "Our child, Raven. You're not doing this alone." He sounded confused, but it wasn't a question; she just knew he wanted to ask a million of them.

"Beast Boy, I-" She whimpered.  _Azar_ , she hated herself right now, hissed internally for Reason to rein Sorrow and Affection in, but she didn't. She didn't have that power anymore. Beast Boy had changed Nevermore, maybe permanently, maybe for the better, but at the moment it felt for the worse. "I can't ask you to do that."

"You might be asking. I'm not."

She opened her eyes again and looked at Beast Boy, and he stood there the same as he had before, though he'd moved to hold her and their maturing child between his arms. He looked back at her, and she didn't need her empathic ability to tell his version of Affection was well in control, that the Reason of his mind, though monumentally weaker than her own, had taken a backseat to sentimentality. It made her heart swing; Happy was dancing on her strings and Affection gifted her the song. But Reason had returned, nagging at them with a stern finger-  _He feels this way now, but what of Terra? He can father our child and love another woman._

Sorrow tripped Happy off her feet, and Affection's music grew to a hush. "Beast Boy, I don't want you to think that because I'm giving you a child that it means you have to…" she trailed off, but Beast Boy pressed on.

"Doesn't mean I have to what, Rae?"

She breathed in, and breathed out "... You don't have to stay with me if there's somebody else."

He recoiled, and immediately she missed the heat. Doubt crept in, like she had been, constantly, for months-  _Why'd you have to remind him? We could have stayed like that, now he's changed his mind-_

"Okay, you're gonna have to catch me up here, 'cause I'm suuuper confused."

Raven nearly smiled. He was such an idiot, and  _Azar she loved him_. "You talk in your sleep sometimes, ya know."

"Huh?"

Raven shifted, and she could feel him watching her. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands. "You said her name, Beast Boy. You were calling for her, and I just couldn't…"  _play her role_. "I didn't want to place that responsibility on you, make you feel trapped. You'd just end up hating me and" she rubbed her stomach "resenting them. That's why I hid. I had to-"

"Wait wait wait- hold on a second here!" She looked at him and, true to his nature, he looked lost. The kind of lost he was trying to make the connection between video game sequels. His eyes bulged as his hands spoke for him, though it was a different language, and not even he understood it. "Who are we talking about? What does this have to do with our kid?" He ran his hands down his face. "I'm so confused!" He tugged at his hair, making more of a mess of it than it already had been. "It feels like alien monkeys are in my brain and they're trying to make it explode!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I sincerely doubt foreign chimps have anything to do with your brain malfunctioning." She was almost proud of the usual dry monotone she'd managed, but it faded. "Terra, Beast Boy. You were calling out for Terra." She saw him pause with his back turned, going stiff at the mention. Sorrow had taken a pickaxe to her heart now, she could feel her chiseling away. "And I know she's back. I wouldn't want to get in the way of that."  _You weren't meant for me, Beast Boy. I accepted that a long time ago. It's time I set you free, you weren't supposed to be in my cage to begin with_.

He turned to her, but she looked away so she couldn't see his face. She wasn't sure she wanted to. He got closer again, and she forced herself to look out the window, where she could only see his outline in the mugginess of morning dew, squeezing her eyes shut because even the shadow of him was too much right then. She couldn't, wouldn't look for reassurance. She was too scared she'd find nothing, or worse, trick herself into seeing something that wasn't there. Her hands turned to fists in her blankets. "Raven…"

"Don't."

He grew quiet, and that must have meant that he'd processed what she'd said, understood, accepted it. Her heart sank.

He moved, brushed against her arm, trespassed into her personal bubble. "Ya know, you talk in your sleep, too." She hadn't meant to turn her head, and she hadn't even thought about opening her eyes, but his fingers were under her chin, and emerald green as big as his heart was peering into her with such abandon that it must have brushed off. She gasped, she didn't even mean to. His eyes shifted from playful to sultry, and part of her stomach (probably not the baby, though relating to the baby as it'd been made) flipped. "You said some things about Aqualad like a year ago, and I didn't freak out."

He leaned in and kissed her, and all at once Nevermore rejoiced. The pain that'd lingered in her stomach, the faint nausea she'd felt, it dissipated in a snap of a finger. His lips pressed gently to hers, no demand or desperation, but he once again was not asking. She shut her eyes, leaned in, fingers reaching up and dancing across his chest before they twisted around the fabric of his suit and tugged, pulling him closer. He followed, cupping her jaw in his hands, cradling her head to him like a treasure, thumbs brushing over her cheeks. It felt like the first time, all anticipation, joy, uncertainty, but she pulled away and he followed and she knew there was nothing left to be uncertain about. They didn't part until he had to come back for air, and even then he moved so shortly that her lips still tasted the air he breathed, and their noses brushed as two sets of heavy-lidded eyes stared back at each other. His lips brushed hers again, light as a feather, there and yet not, and she huffed. "I was never in love with Aqualad."

"And I've never loved anyone the way I love you," he grinned. "So we're even." She huffed again, but it was more of a laugh. His eyes got bright. "See? I will spend the rest of my life trying to get you to make that sound, wet dreams about exes or not." She smacked him, and he yelped, but snickered and rubbed his sore head nevertheless.

The door slammed open again, and both jumped to see Starfire, alight with her feet off the ground, followed closely by the rest of the team. Her green eyes grew three sizes. "Raven! You are awake!" She dove into her arms, and Raven grunted at the impact. Starfire leaped up and down and squeezed her, giggling with a smile as wide as her eyes. "Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried! You and the  _snarglpref_  are both unharmed!"

"We won't be if you keep this up."

Starfire released her, pulling away with orange-tinted cheeks. "Hee hee! Apologies!"

Raven glanced up and down, eyebrow raising. She mumbled to Starfire so that the rest of the room couldn't hear (aside from Beast Boy, but she'd explain everything to him later). "You got your powers back?"

Starfire blinked, as if only now realizing that she'd regained flight before she slowly eased herself to the ground, eyes becoming bashful. "I was relieved that you and your child were all right." She wanted to ask more, but Starfire shook her head.  _Not here_.

Starfire stepped to the side to stand next to Beast Boy, and Robin stepped into the room, the other three following. She and Terra made eye-contact, and Terra gave her a smile and waved. Raven blinked, but smiled back after a moment. She turned to Robin, who looked just as concerned as she would have imagined he'd have been had she and Starfire actually woken him up the night they left. He understood her like few others did, and she'd felt his comfort's absence. "Raven, why did you hide that you were pregnant from us?"

"Yeah!" Cyborg piped up. "I woulda made a killer nursery!"

Starfire's eyes lit up, and her flight had returned to her once more as she squeezed her hands at her chest, as if barely containing her excitement. "Oh! Raven, I had almost forgotten the tradition of the showering of the infant! This will be marvelous!" Robin acknowledged her with his signature half-smirk.

Raven winced, a bead of sweat seeping down her head. "Uhh, maybe we could wait until I'm a little further along to do that?" She pressed a hand to her stomach. "After tonight, I think I need to watch how much  _excitement_  I'm involved in."

"Oh don't worry," Robin crossed his arms, still grinning, just at her now. "I'm confining you to three week's bedrest. We can't risk a repeat of what happened tonight."

"Doctor says you're fine, though," Cyborg approached the bed then, holding his arm out for her to see the test results on his arm. She leaned over, into his shoulder, and all at once felt like a little sister to a very concerned, capable big brother. He smiled at her, the way only Cyborg smiled, the way he always had, the way she'd missed. "What set you off was using your powers too near to full capacity. It's not just your mind that takes a toll, your body does, too."

"So…" She raised an eyebrow and glanced at the room full of titans, each smiling at her in some variation. "I'm benched for six months, aren't I?" They all nodded, and she groaned.

* * *

Beast Boy and Cyborg had taken Raven home the next morning, after Doctor Thompkins signed the papers, of course. Beast Boy had offered her an arm, and Raven had taken it with a small smile on her lips, though she'd have denied it had any of them asked. Robin asked Starfire where they'd been hiding, offered to follow her back to the motel to collect their things (because they weren't staying another night outside of the tower, he wasn't having it, it was an  _order_ ). Starfire had smiled at him, waved him off, said, as politely as she could: "I would prefer if Friend Terra assisted me instead."

That'd hurt, Terra could tell, but he'd let her go.

He and Batgirl returned to the tower on his R-Cycle, leaving Starfire and Terra to walk their way back to the motel. Both could fly faster than the T-car could drive, it was fine, but he'd argued that he could send Batgirl back on his bike alone- it didn't work, she refused his help; it upset Starfire more that he'd been willing to let this other woman ride his bike when he never let any of them touch it. He'd waved to them, and Starfire and Terra waved back as they sped off ( _he'd seen Starfire's face as Batgirl's arms wrapped around his waist, as her head rested on his shoulder. He tried to erase the way her eyes dimmed in his mind, but the more he buried it, the deeper the hole in the pit of him dug_ ).

Starfire and Terra passed the motel's front door, Starfire offering a quick wave to the grumpy waddling man who owned the place, who brushed her off with a disgruntled hand and a sigh. He rolled around at his front desk, rolling chair looking pressed to keep him upright as he leaned back. Terra followed Starfire to the sliding door on the other side of the room, glancing back at the old man with a cocked eyebrow. They set their sights on the rows and rows of motel rooms, and Terra gestured to the lot of them. "So, which one's yours?"

Starfire shrugged at one on the third floor, to which Terra grumbled ("of course it's that one").

They climbed the stairs, spirals, thin and so claustrophobic they had to walk in line and not together. Odd men peered at them from the windows of their dens, between blinds and smoky rooms. Terra pretended not to see them, but she wondered how Raven and Starfire had managed, if they'd ever had any problems here. They could handle themselves, she knew that, but she had a feeling Robin would wanna do a background check on the shady characters on the other side of those blinds; he'd probably find something for the JCPD.

"So this is the place you've been staying?"

"Yes, it is not to your liking?"

Terra took one look at the dirty window and the air conditioning unit attached that was falling apart, then shrugged. "Better than the caves I used t' crash in."

The room was tidy, for the most part, aside from shopping bags that were haphazardly thrown at the end of either bed. Terra could see bras peeking out of the corner of it- dark, purple, lacey. She hadn't pegged Raven as the lace type, but hey, she hadn't known Raven when she was actively having sex! She felt a shiver run down her grossed-out spine, and decided to table the thought for awhile, maybe forever. There were some stray feathers on the floor, as if somebody had torn a pillow in half and cleaned it up, but had missed a few stragglers. A broken lamp sat between the beds in a trashcan; Terra looked to Starfire, then back at it. "Uhh, what happened?"

Starfire paused in her raid of the nightstand drawer, stuffing anything that had been theirs into one of the tote bags she'd bought on a whim. She glanced at the mess of glass and, to Terra's surprise, didn't have much of a response. "Oh, towards the beginning of her pregnancy, Friend Raven had the  _mood swing_ , and loss of control over her powers caused her to-"

"- to break your lamp."

"Yes."

Terra stared at it.

"Yeah, I'm gonna give BB a heads up when we get back."

The two continued to pick up belongings- purses, clothing (Starfire took care of the dirty laundry), soaps, and especially the jar labeled "Savings" filled with dollar bills and coins. Terra asked what they were saving up for, and Starfire giggled and said she'd planned on getting a puppy. Terra asked if that's what Raven was saving for, to which Starfire answered: "I do not know." They'd assume the baby.

Starfire had taken to making the beds ("You spent WHAT on this room? We better clean up here, we are NOT paying extra!") and Terra had taken to tossing the food from the mini fridge into a plastic bag. She pulled out some mustard, some rice in a tupperware container, a leftover smoothie… she tossed it all into the plastic bag and wrapped it up. "All right, Star, I think we're good to go."

Starfire nodded.

They grabbed the bags, full to the zipper with everything, everything that had made this space their own for three long months, and carried it to the door. Starfire pulled the key out of her wallet- not something she'd carried before, key nor pocketbook- and took one final look at the room. It looked clean, empty, the way it had been when she and Raven first opened the door at six in the morning one terrible, godforsaken night. She and Raven had warmed it up, thrown blankets over the cheap and thin comforters, filled the drawers with their clothes and underwear and socks, even took the shower curtain down and replaced it with one they'd both settled on. Anything had been better than the semi-transparency of the other curtain. She could still see the smudges from where she'd leave little notes on the fogged up bathroom mirror for Raven before she'd head off to work, and she wondered if she could continue a similar tradition in the tower's bathroom; there'd just be more people to see it, now.

"Uh...Star?" Terra awkwardly shifted from foot to foot, hands not quite sure what to do or where to go. She winced, and set a slow hand on Starfire's shoulder.

Starfire blinked, and Terra drew her hand back, face heavy with concern despite her clumsy comfort. "Sorry, didn't mean to… Starfire, why are you crying?"

Was she? Starfire raised one hand to her cheek. Sure enough, her fingers came away slick, and she frowned. "Apologies," she wiped her eyes with her arm "I am… the correct term is feeling nostalgic, yes?"

Terra smiled at her, set a warm hand on her shoulder. "Yeah, Star, that's right. Do you need a few more minutes?"

Starfire glanced back to the empty room, and she could see everything despite the lights having already been turned off because the sun was rising, and the light was creeping into the shadows of the place Starfire had learned to call  _home_. Or rather,  _a home away from home_. Raven was at their old home, their new home, and they would face whatever came after this together; this motel room, with all its cheap idiosyncrasies and poor plumbing, was a testament to that. She need not fear the next day, because they'd seen plenty together and tackled each like the one before.

Starfire shook her head and smiled, really smiled. "No, Terra, I am quite ready."

They shut the door and locked it, and set forth to return the key.


	8. A Very Different Battle

The doors to the common room slid open, and the rest of the titans turned as Starfire and Terra entered with arms full of bags. Robin smiled, Cyborg waved ("Hey, welcome back!"), Batgirl turned her entire body toward them as she leaned over the back of the couch. Raven glanced over her shoulder, one hand placed tentatively at her stomach. Her eyes, deep and tired but relieved (and at long last, happy), met Starfire's and twinkled. Starfire smiled back.

"DUUUUDDDEE!" Beast Boy, who'd had Raven close enough to be practically sitting in his lap, grinned from pointy ear to pointy ear and leaped over the back and ran at Starfire. She went to greet him, but found he was grabbing her wrist and tugging her toward the couch before she could utter so much as a syllable. Starfire yelped and dropped her things, so Terra laughed and let the bags in her hands plop to the floor equally unceremoniously. Unpacking could wait. "Were you really working as a waitress? And you were  _good_?"

When they reached the front of the couch, Beast Boy took a running head start and leaped at the seat next to Raven, who glowered at him as he hit the cushions and bounced. He grinned at her, wrapping an arm over her shoulders, not sorry, not at all. Starfire remained standing as Terra hopped over the other side of the couch to plop into the seat next to Cyborg, who gave her a welcoming fist bump. "Yes, that is true! Raven and I both took up the employment to earn our stay at the motel!" Raven visibly twitched.

"Wait wait wait," Robin raised an eyebrow and looked at Raven, who's expression had only soured as Beast Boy's face lit up with peerless glee. Robin's lopsided smirk was just as taunting, filled with curiosity and dancing with amusement. "You got a job? Doing what?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Bookstore clerk." Batgirl snorted.

"I have a hard time seeing you in a nametag."

"I didn't wear one."

Everyone started talking. Starfire had tried to follow along, but the words melded into new topics and switched as different voices piped up and interrupted and tore civility apart. In a few seconds it was difficult to pull one conversation from another. Raven was trying to calm Beast Boy down as he pointed an accusing finger at Cyborg for--  _something_ , Starfire wasn't quite sure. Terra was laughing so hard she was holding her sides, falling over the side of the couch as Cyborg backed into her, away from Beast Boy. His unapologetic grin was towering over his smaller frame despite the vexation radiating off Beast Boy. Raven sat between both parties, lips in a thin, exasperated line. She was huffing and mediating but her veins were popping all the same; Starfire thought, on a shallow level, she may have wished to instead be in their quiet motel room, away from the chaos they'd once been so accustomed to.

Robin joined in egging Beast Boy on, much to the amusement of Batgirl. He leaned back into her when Beast Boy whipped around on him, and she matched Robin's chuckle with every chiming sound. She wrapped her arms around Robin's shoulders and she leaned over him to get a word in at Beast Boy's jest, chest brushing against Robin's back (Robin leaned into the embrace, seemed positively content). Beast Boy turned round and wagged a very angry, easier to scrutinize than heed, finger at her and Robin. They both laughed.

Starfire did not.

Raven's eyes met her own after a moment, and Starfire realized that she'd probably read her, because her face, so obviously miffed from conversation, melted with sympathy. Starfire smiled and shook her head.  _Do not worry,_  she tried to tell Raven.  _I am just in need of time_. She cleared her throat. "Friends," the incessant arguing stopped, momentarily. She gave them her best  _everything is okay_  smile, her most convincing  _I am happy to be home and nothing is wrong_  eyes. "I am afraid I must retire to my room, as I have quite a bit of unpacking to do and I require the shower after my fight with Red X."

"Wait, you fought Red X?" Cyborg scratched his head, exchanging a look with Robin, who'd silently cocked an eyebrow. "I thought y'all said he helped you?"

"He did," Raven's voice was its usual monotone, and she could tell the boys were settled by its familiar drone. It'd been awhile since they'd heard it, awhile since she'd been there to offer her calmer two-cents. "But not before straddling Starfire to the moistest part of the dock." She shrugged, like what she said hadn't phased her, but the downturn of her lips and the twitch in her eye said she was still peeved about the night before. Was it because she hadn't been able to help? Was it because Red X had gotten the drop on them at all? Starfire wasn't sure, but she nervously waved Raven's boiling mood off.

Robin, however, was a larger handful.

"He WHAT?" Batgirl had climbed off of Robin's back and pressed herself to the couch, concerned that touching him would give her third degree burns. Steam was boiling from his ears as his skin flared red. He was grinding his teeth, fingers clenching and unclenching, itching to punch a bad-guy that wasn't actually there. He seemed to compose himself for a moment, steam simmering to a light cloud, though his skin remained a furious shade. "When you say straddled, you mean-?"

Raven raised an eyebrow, some part of her, the part that'd bonded like a schoolgirl with Starfire in their three months away, rejoiced, amused at the reaction. For a guy who'd knocked boots with another woman, he was awfully put-off. May as well test those boiling waters. "I mean that by the time I came back, I couldn't tell if he was trying to fight her or-"

"WHOA!" Beast Boy put his hands up in defense, chuckling despite the anxious white of his eyes and the stress of his smile. "Let's keep this PG-13, don't want another baby on our hands, do we?" He placed the hand, the one that wasn't already around Raven's shoulders, where their child was, looking almost reverently at the small bump hiding under her loose-fitting maternity shirt.

Raven snorted.

Starfire tried, she really did, to fight the heat that was rising from her stomach to her eyeballs, but her face felt hot enough to scorch the very sun her power came from. She covered it with both her hands. "I am sorry! I must be going immediately!" She zoomed out of the common room, flying so fast that they'd all hardly realized she'd left. Robin's head whipped around, following her, any trace of the boiling rage that had begun to seethe, resting to a dull gas.

Raven frowned. She'd gotten ahead of herself, let the other factors of her situation (their situation) go unresolved. Her problems had been reconciled-- most of them, anyway, not including the gender, the name, the baby shower, and the funds to raise her baby-- but Starfire's weren't. She'd still been cheated on, which would have been heartbreaking enough in a normal relationship, but living in close quarters with him, having to follow his every command in the heat of battle… that was going to be tough.

_"Do you think he did?"_

_"...I do not think so, and I am starting to fear that I am correct."_

Even without her abilities as an empath, she could feel that absolute loss, the ripping of a soul in two, because somebody she'd trusted-- with her heart, with her time, with her affection-- he'd betrayed her. And she was going to come home because she had no other excuse to stay away, not without her, not without their symbiotic turmoil. She'd been so relieved, so unequivocally happy that Beast Boy had sworn himself to her, that he wanted to raise their child together, that he wanted to be her partner and a parent and remain her lover- she'd simply forgotten why she'd had company in her state of pandemonium in the first place. What a bad companion she was. Raven sighed and pressed her small hand to Beast Boy's, squeezing his fingers reassuringly before pulling it from her swelling stomach. He blinked, not rejecting the behavior, but confused by it. "Rae?"

"I'm gonna go talk to her."

"No."

Robin, who had already pulled himself over the back of the couch, who had already set a clear path to the common room door, waved one commanding hand in her direction. It was the sign he used on a mission, the sign that said  _stand down, that's an order_. It demanded compliance, which Robin rarely stooped to when they weren't on a battlefield. Though, Raven mused, maybe he felt like he was. His gait was stiff, military, and that aura could tower over nearly any enemy, despite his physical height. Terra shifted uncomfortably at the change in demeanor, and Batgirl winced almost knowingly. Cyborg and Beast Boy were unperturbed, though curious, and exchanged glances the way silenced students traded notes.

Had she not been an empath, she might have been just as lost. But Raven could read him, and though he'd need efforts that would be nothing short of heroic, he was intending to see Starfire as her boyfriend, not her leader. He exited the room with a mumble under his breath. "She and I have a lot of talking to do…"

* * *

Starfire ran her hands through her hair, untangling it as she went through each tuft. She hadn't done it in awhile, taken his fingers to it instead of a brush. It was calming, feeling each silky strand pass between the creases of her palm like feathers. She could close her eyes, focus on the small knots and tangles, feel the release of each one with just a little bit of force from her hand. People didn't bend that way, she wished she could make herself bend that way. It would be easier to force her feelings aside, push them so deep down that the weight of everything else she buried it under would make it snap, make it go away. She wished the right decision was easier to make, but then there would be no point. She was a hero, and heroes did the right thing. She vaguely remembered asking (" _Must we always be heroes_?"), and she saw now that he'd been right, that the right thing, the hero thing, was engraved in her, and she could never really part with it.

"So, are you ready to talk?"

She'd only somewhat registered the door to her bedroom sliding open, but the voice shook her from her stupor much quicker. She didn't turn to him. Instead, she continued to watch the rising sun as it set on the early hours of Jump City. Her foggy mind told her she should go to sleep, that she usually rose with the sun, that she didn't usually fall as it went up. The rest of her body, though, it was too wired, alive with emotion, some good and some less kind, to fall asleep. She breathed in, then she breathed out. "Robin…"

The door shut, but she had a feeling he hadn't left. A few moments later, she heard his footsteps approaching, so she said something. "I apologize for leaving without saying anything."

It worked. He paused. "You really had me worried."

"The letter Raven left told you we would return, did it not?"

"That doesn't stop me from worrying." He took a few more steps forward, until he was standing at the other side of her bed. She closed her eyes, hoped she wouldn't feel his weight shift beside her where she sat, because she could not take it, could not take seeing him. Not when this was happening, not when she was fighting herself.

"Robin, do you know why I left with Raven?"

He was quiet, he was contemplating. She usually loved to watch him process, watch the wheels turn as the best detective she'd ever known worked, but not today. Maybe not for a long time. "Not certain. I was hoping you could tell me, but I had a couple theories."

"Which were?"

"You're the only other girl on the team, and you guys are pretty close. Pregnancy is a scary thing to go alone."

There was a silence, reflecting, warm "...Partly."

Robin shrugged that off and continued. "There was a Tamaranian threat of some kind? Something only Raven could help you with?" She shook her head. Robin laughed, not confidently-- nervously. "Yeah, you're right, that was a bad one. Um," he was skimming passed his mind's folder of theories, she could practically see the manila folder in his hands as he scanned her profile. "You're… pregnant… too?"

Starfire sucked her teeth, but otherwise refused to dignify him with a response. They hadn't even participated in such an act together, how would she have been with child? No, he clearly didn't mean that. He was joking, trying to lighten the mood. Her nose scrunched, but she took another deep breath and released it. She wasn't here to start a fight, she was here to do what was right for Robin, and for her.

"Starfire-?"

"I understand that you have a special relationship with Batgirl, do you not?"

He seemed to choke, but he answered. "Uh, y-yeah, she's--uh, she's family."

"I was not aware that family on Earth slept with so little garments."

There came a fracture to the air. She'd taken the first chunk of ice with a pick, and it could only collapse from here. She'd be better for it afterwards, they both would. Even if it felt like that pick was taking pieces of her heart with it. "Uh, Starfire?"

"I am not mad at you, Robin… not anymore." She began to fiddle with her fingers, letting them twist, letting them grace each other. They were still bruised, still a little red, but she could feel them again. They'd heal. "I am sorry, I should have said this sooner, but I did not have the confidence before." She could feel her voice getting stronger. Less girl, more Tamaranian Princess. She could hide behind that wall for now. It would crumble when the deed was done, and she could mourn her loss in silence, in her solitary room. She had to hold on until then, press on, push just a little further past it--

"Starfire?" He got closer to her, was coming around the end of the bed, she could hear him. He didn't sound nervous, no, she'd heard Robin nervous when they'd crashed on that planet, heard him desperate when they'd fallen through together, but this was something different, and she could not place it.

"I love you," she breathed it, let it break passed the doors and fall into the open, like a wave of fresh air filled her lungs, like a weight she'd had on her chest had been lifted. It was the first time she'd said that, that either of them had said it to each other. She'd thought the implication had been enough, but it had not been, and now Robin stood frozen at her side. She kept her eyes on the sunrise, kept her fingers intermingling because if she stopped moving all at once she was sure she would die. She loved him. She loved him  _loved him loved him_ truly. And that would have to be enough. "And Robin, that is why I am letting you go."

That seemed to thaw him, though his feet remained firmly where they were, no closer, no farther. "W-what? Starfire, what are you talking about? I don't want you to let me go." He reached a hand for her, but she turned away, so he retracted it. That tone was back, the tone from before, but it was far more present, persistent. It broke her heart to hear, and she couldn't place why. "Starfire, please, tell me what's going on. What is all of this about?"

"It is about what is right, Robin. You once told me that marrying my betrothed was not right for me. And Robin? I fear I am not right for you…"

"What? Where is this coming from? Why are you acting like you're--youre--?"

"Doing the breaking up with you?" She looked at him then, met his eyes for the first time. He flinched. His eyes widened behind his mask, his fingers twitched uselessly at his sides, and he stuttered.

"Are you?"

She looked at her lap again. "Truthfully, I felt betrayed to find another woman in your bed, before you and I could even culminate the benefits of a romantic relationship. But she is not the evil witch of the wickedness that I thought she was. Batgirl is kind and beautiful and you are so comfortable around her and--!" She stopped herself. She could hear Raven's voice in the back of her mind.  _You're ranting_. She breathed in, and breathed out. "I see the way you look at her. It is the way those who have mated look at each other on my home planet. It communicates a lifetime of perseverance and of companionship, but most of all, it communicates inimitable affection." She shook her head, shut her eyes, tried to keep the stinging sensation at bay. Just a few moments longer. Her hands clenched painfully together in her lap. "Robin, I will not stand in your way if she is the one you truly desire."

The bed bounced, and she could tell he'd taken a seat beside her. "Who I desire, huh?" She closed her eyes, imagining the pressure of his lips on hers, remembering the way he'd smiled at her and offered her a hand to dance at Kitten's prom, remembering his arms around her as they braced for Raven's destiny to swallow her whole, remembering seeing him alive and well and standing atop that hill with that grin she held so dear to her heart. She remembered all of it, let the good memories wash over her one last time before they became bittersweet to look upon. But it was okay, he would be happier after this. No more training sessions that turn into playful kisses on the workout mat. No more glances at each other that the others missed. No more fingers intertwining, no more of his gentle caresses and his adorably awkward date proposals or even his more confident, friendlier offers to grab some pizza and see a movie. She wouldn't get to lace herself to his arm and hold him close anymore, and he wouldn't smile knowingly at her when she squeezed. Her fingers knotted uncomfortably in her jeans, pinching her skin beneath. This was for the best,  _this was for Robin_. She nearly missed what he said when he finally spoke.

"She was hurt." His voice was neutral, betrayed nothing about what he was feeling, though she had many guesses, only a few of which she hoped for. The rest were closer to reality (relief, guilt, happiness), so she buried that hope under caution. Starfire nodded for him to go on. "She'd gotten into some trouble. Knew I was in town. Came to me for help in the dead of night. It's how my family operates." She chanced a glance at him, but his eyes were on the sunrise, hands splayed behind him as he shifted to sit at a slant, looking more relaxed than she'd seen him since Slade was defeated (for good). His face betrayed no emotion, and she cursed that mask, not for the first time. "I told her to let me grab Cyborg, but she didn't wanna wake him. Told me I was more than capable of patching her up, and she was right. I don't think she intended to stick around for as long as she did." He paused, then raised an eyebrow at her, tilting his head just enough for her to see his incredulous face. She frowned. "I think she's stayed here to keep an eye on me, since you went missing and all."

"Robin--"

His eyes met hers, set, serious, the way he was as a leader, but there was affection there, the kind she remembered seeing so many different times (when they were stranded, Tokyo, when he'd propped open her chrysalis). "I'm not gonna lie to you, Batgirl--" He stopped, seemingly contemplating what he would say next before deciding the risk was worth it. " _Barbara_  and I, we had something in the past, but that's all it is. The past." He moved closer, eyes narrowing, one hand gripping her forearm, gently, where it sat between them. She wanted to gasp, but no sound came out when their eyes met again. That was not Leader Robin, that was Boyfriend Robin, Love of her Life Robin, and he had set that steely determination, that unwavering tenacity on her, on getting what he was saying through to her.

Her heart flipped in her chest, unwarranted. Without her permission. He only grew closer. "Nothing happened between her and I. I patched her up and gave her a shirt to sleep in. We're family, I didn't think anything of it." He sighed and shook his head. "Had I known you would, though… Starfire," he brought one hand up to her cheek, caressed it in his hand. She leaned into it, hoped its comfort would alleviate the tears she could feel starting at the corners of her eyes. Robin exhaled, and she could hear fear, fear she now suspected was of losing her. "I'm so sorry. I never would have let you leave if I'd known this was why." She smiled at him, and he brushed his thumb against the corner of her eye where a single tear had begun collecting. He smiled back, and she wondered how, in the half a sun's rotation she'd been back with him, she hadn't noticed the fondness and worship with which he looked at her. She almost felt like a fool. Three months of wasted time, feeling torn apart by an affair that had never transpired. She leaned even further into his touch, and she heard him stifle a laugh.

"So, you did not have the intercourse with Batgirl?"

"What?"

The warm hand was gone, and she blinked as Robin threw himself against the foot of her bed, eyes wide, face quickly gaining the same complexion as the red of his suit. His hands moved wildly, unsure what to do or what gestures to make. "That's what you--? Starfire! You really thought I--? That she and I--?" Starfire pouted, and steam blew from his ears for a very different reason this time. He ran a hand over his face. "God, no Star, nothing like that happened."

"You did not kiss her?"

"No."

"And you did not partake in the romantic form of bodily contact that is cuddling?"

"Okay, that I can't say didn't happen, but it wasn't romantic--!"

"And you do not wish to leave me for Batgirl or Barbara, whatever her name may be?"

Robin clasped both her hands between his, dopey smile inching across his face. "Not on your life, Starfire." That did it. The tears started falling, and Starfire reached her hands up to wipe them away, but Robin got to them faster, pressing his thumbs and palms to each drop before it had the chance to fall. She sobbed, and he brought her head into his chest, running a hand through her hair.

"I tried to do the right thing!"

"I know…"

"I tried to let you go, but I cannot!"

"Starfire, you'll never have to…" He cupped her jaw in his hand and tugged, lightly, enough to draw her teary eyes from his shoulder so she could see him, see his face. His brows furrowed above his heavy-lidded stare, she could see in the narrow of his mask. Her eyes mirrored his despite the puffiness and the streaks coloring her skin, already aflame. He drew her closer, still. "Nobody is going to take me away from you, history or no."

"Do you promise?"

His voice lowered the way that sent tingles running down her spine and lit her stomach on fire, the way she'd felt many times when he'd kiss the skin before her ear, when his hands would trail somewhere new. That baritone he so rarely used set her nerves fraying without so much as a touch, and he was using it to say: "I  _swear_  to you." He kissed her, in a way so different from how he usually would. The sweet nervous nature he'd usually graze her lips with was gone in favor of something he hadn't turned loose on her before now- passion. Desperation. Adoration. She pressed back cautiously at first before he leaned forward. She obliged.

When they came away for a moment, they came right back together again, hotter than before, needing. His hand, she didn't even know when he'd set it there, it squeezed at her hip and tugged her thighs closer to his, and she wrapped her arms round his neck, parting her lips to grant him entry, and he took it with the thirst of a parched man. His lips melded slowly with hers, but hard. He bit her lip, and she gasped. Robin's other hand fell from her jaw to run up and down her side, nimble fingers exploring the curve of her waist before he slipped them under her shirt. He only touched the skin that would have been exposed had she been in her uniform, but it was enough to make her shiver. He leaned forward, and she followed until her back was pressed against the mattress and he was bent over her with one hand in her hair. Three months, three months she had been away, and as he grabbed one of her legs and tucked it behind his hip, brushing against her so deliberately that it made her gasp and toss her head back, she knew Robin intended to show her just how much he'd missed her and that lost time. "Besides…" She batted her eyelashes at him, and he gave her that boyish, cocky grin that only he had, that only he could give. There was something dangerous there, behind his mask, a fire she'd never seen before, and it burned the churning wheel in her stomach like little else. "If I'd been with anybody,  _you woulda heard her_ …" Her face turned several shades of red.


End file.
